Helping Families Support Their Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and ...

1 Helping Families Support Their Lesbian, Gay,Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) ChildrenBY CAITLIN RYAN, , , Family Acceptance Project San Francisco State University LGBT Adolescents: Becoming VisibleIn the past, very few adolescents came out totheir Families or told others they were gay. Mostlesbians, gay men, and bisexuals (LGB) waiteduntil they were adults to talk about Their LGBidentity with others. Fear of rejection and seriousnegative reactions kept many LGB adults fromopenly sharing Their the 1990s, there were limited resources forLGBT youth. Gay and transgender adolescentshad few sources of information to learn abouttheir identity or to find Support . More recently,the Internet, school diversity clubs, and LGBT youth groups have helped gay and transgenderyouth find accurate information, guidance, and greater access to resources, more LGBT youth are coming out (sharing Their gay ortransgender identity with friends, family, andother adults) during adolescence.

2 So familymembers, teachers, and providers need accurateinformation about sexual orientation and genderidentity to help provide Support for practice brief was developed for Families ,caretakers, advocates, and providers to: Provide basic information to help familiessupport Their lesbian, gay, bisexual, andtransgender (LGBT) children; Share some of the critical new research fromthe Family Acceptance ProjectTM(FAP) at SanFrancisco State University. This importantnew research shows that Families have amajor impact on Their LGBT children s health,mental health, and well-being; and Give Families and LGBT youth hope thatethnically, religiously, and socially diversefamilies, parents, and caregivers can becomemore supportive of Their LGBT practice brief reports on specific findings from FAP Families Support LGBT CHILDREN FALL/WINTER 2009 Research on adolescents over the past 20 years showsthat sexual orientation a person s emotionalconnection and attraction to another person develops early.

3 In fact, research shows that both gayand straight children have Their first crush orattraction to another person at around age and bisexuality are part of normalsexual identity . No one knows why some people aregay or bisexual and others are heterosexual. But weknow that no one, including parents, can make someone gay. Adolescents are much more likely to beopen about Their gay or transgender identity whenthey are not afraid of rejection, ridicule, or negativereactions from family and the MythsThere are still many myths about sexual and providers often believe that youngpeople have to be adults before they can know theyare gay. Many assume that being gay is a phase thatyouth will grow out of as they get older. Some thinkthat teens may decide to be gay if they have a gayfriend, read about homosexuality, or hear about gaypeople from others. These myths are very commonand they are also , adolescents have much wider access toaccurate information about sexual orientation andincreasing information about gender information helps them understand feelingsthey have had since childhood.

4 And a wide range ofservices for LGBT youth helps many find peer andcommunity in our research for the FamilyAcceptance ProjectTM(FAP) said they were attractedto another person of the same gender at about age knew they were gay at age 7 or 9. Overall, theyidentified as lesbian, gay, or bisexual, on average, atage Their Families learned about Their LGBidentity about a year on supporting both children s genderidentity and transgender adolescents is very providers have had little training or guidance onhow to Support children who feel like Their innersense of being male or female does not match theirphysical body. Children develop gender identity adeep sense of being male or female at early express clear gender choices for clothes, toys,and personal items. And they begin to express genderidentity at about ages and adolescents who do not look or behavethe way that girls and boys are expected to behave bytheir Families and by society are often ridiculed byothers.

5 Their behavior may also be called gendervariantor gender non-conforming. Many parents areashamed or embarrassed by Their children s gendernon-conforming behavior. They often fear that thesechildren will be hurt by others. And they neededucation and accurate information to Support theirchild s emerging gender who are gender non-conforming or whoidentify as transgender also have more access toinformation about gender expression and identitythrough LGBT community groups and onlineresources. Such groups and resources help themunderstand Their gender identity at younger ages thanolder transgender adults who typically came out as2 Require Respect in the Family for Your LGBT Child We always went to family events. But after Terry came out, Iwas worried about what the other family members might sayto her or how they might treat her. So I told them, Our family events are very important to have always come.

6 We want our daughter to becomfortable. And we want her to come with us. So I wantyou to know that we won t be able to come anymore as afamily if you can t treat her with respect. CHARLENE, MOTHER OF A 15-YEAR OLD LESBIAN DAUGHTERHELPING Families Support LGBT CHILDREN FALL/WINTER 2009adults. Adolescents in our research for FAP whoidentify as transgender came out as transgender, onaverage, at age of Family Reactions on LGBT ChildrenUntil recently, little was known about how familiesreact when an LGBT young person comes out duringadolescence. And even less was known about howfamily reactions affect an LGBT adolescent s healthand mental new research from FAP shows thatfamilies and caregivers have a major impact on theirLGBT children s risk and ,2FA Presearchers identified more than 100 behaviors thatfamilies and caregivers use to react to Their LGBT children s identity . About half of these behaviors areaccepting and half are rejecting.

7 FAP researchersmeasured each of these behaviors to show how family reactions affect an LGBT young person s risk and and RejectionFAP researchers found that Families who areconflicted about Their children s LGBT identitybelieve that the best way to help Their childrensurvive and thrive in the world is to help them fit inwith Their heterosexual peers. So when these familiesblock access to Their child s gay friends or LGBT resources, they are acting out of care and believe Their actions will help Their gay ortransgender child have a good life. But adolescentswho feel like Their parents want to change whotheyare think Their parents don t love them or even hatethem. Lack of communication and misunderstandingbetween parents and Their LGBT children increasesfamily conflict. These problems with communicationand lack of understanding about sexual orientationand gender identity can lead to fighting and familydisruption that can result in an LGBT adolescentbeing removed from or forced out of the home.

8 ManyLGBT youth are placed in foster care, or end up injuvenile detention or on the streets, because of familyconflict related to Their LGBT factorsincrease Their risk for abuse and for serious healthand mental health Your Child s LGBT identity Even When You Feel Uncomfortable Shondra started to get real depressed in 5th grade. She didn ttalk much anymore, and she spent a lot of time in her room. When she was little, she didn t like to wear a dress, but shewas sweet and would let me dress her up. But by the time shewas 9, she started to hate wearing dresses. And now, well, my momma and I didn t know what waswrong. I thought she was being willful and disobedient. Thenthe counselor at school asked us to come in and talk with said that Shondra had another name at school. She askedthe other students to call her Darnell and she dressed like aboy, with a boy s name. The school counselor told us about transgender.

9 We neverheard of such a thing. She thought that Shondra wastransgender and she gave us the name of another told us what Shondra, I mean, Darnell was feeling whenwe tried to dress her up and be a certain way. They said thatfor our child, the way we were acting felt like we wererejecting her. They showed us that children like this get verydepressed, and they are at very high risk for suicide whentheir family tries to make them act like a girl. We were shocked. We had no idea. So we got our child helpand he s much happier now. TYRA AND SHIRLENE, MOTHER AND GRANDMOTHER OF A 12-YEAR-OLD TRANSGENDER YOUTH1 Ryan, C. (2009). Supportive Families , healthy children: Helping Families with lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender children. San Francisco, CA:Marian Wright Edelman Institute, San Francisco State , C., Huebner, D., Diaz, R. M., & Sanchez, J. (2009). Family rejection as a predictor of negative health outcomes in white and Latino Lesbian, gay and bisexual young adults.

10 Pediatrics, 123(1): , S., Ryan, C., & Marksamer, J. (2006). Best practices guidelines: Serving LGBT youth in out-of-home care. Washington, DC: Child WelfareLeague of America (CWLA). Helping Families Support LGBT CHILDREN FALL/WINTER 2009 Research from FAP shows that family rejection has aserious impact on LGBT young people s health and mental health. LGBT young people who were rejected by Their Families because of Their identity have much lower self-esteem and have fewer people they can turnto for help. They are also more isolated and have lesssupport than those who were accepted by Their teens who are highly rejected by Their parentsand caregivers are at very high risk for health andmental health problems when they become youngadults. They have poorer health than LGBT youngpeople who are not rejected by Their Families . Theyhave more problems with drug use. They feel more hopeless and are much less likely to protect themselvesfrom HIV or sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).