12 Step to Destruction - Unofficial

1 12 STEPSDESTRUCTIONTOC odependencyRecovery HeresiesMartin and Deidre BobganEastGate PublishersSanta Barbara, CA 93110 All Scripture quotations in this book, unless noted otherwise,are from the Authorized King James Version of the Steps to DestructionCodependency/Recovery HeresiesCopyright 1991 Martin and Deidre BobganPublished by EastGate Publishers4137 Primavera RoadSanta Barbara, California 93110 Library of Congress Catalog Card Number 91-72638 ISBN 0-941717-05-4 All rights in the United States of AmericaThis is our fourth volume on which Dr. Jay Adams hasbeen kind enough to make theological and editorial com-ments. We appreciate his willingness to help and thankhim for his encouragement over the are grateful to all our friends who have prayed forus, encouraged us, and sent us helpful research items.

2 Wealso thank Rick Miesel for proof-reading our created man in his own image, in the image of Godcreated He him: male and female created He refers to all humans in Genesis 1:27. The wordman has been used to refer to humanity and he has beenthe pronoun used to refer to a person (male or female) inthe generic sense. Therefore, we use the pronoun hethroughout this book, even though the people referred toin many places are mainly of Contents 1. And Codependency for All --------------------------- 7 2. And Her Name Is Codependence ---------------- 19 3. Love Misunderstood and Misapplied ----------- 47 4. Twelve- step Programs: Sin or Sickness? ----- 75 5. Twelve- step Religions ------------------------------ 99 6.

3 Twelve- step Idolatry ------------------------------ 123 7. Here s Looking at Me ----------------------------- 143 8. Judging by What Standard? -------------------- 171 9. Sinful Substitutes ---------------------------------- 19710. Commitment to Recovery ------------------------ 21711. Religions of Recovery ----------------------------- 229 Notes ---------------------------------------- ----------- 2517 Thousands of people are flocking to the bookstores toread about codependency. Most of them are women. Theyread books that describe the symptoms, join self-help groups,and seek therapy to find out if they are codependent. Theyenter an endless cycle in hopes of curing their newly discov-ered disease, and they find they are not alone.

4 In fact, thereseems to be an epidemic of self-diagnosed, group-diagnosed,and therapist-d7iagnosed codependents. The list of symp-toms is so long and the possibilities so wide that everyone inany kind of unsatisfactory relationship may conceivably belabeled codependent. The codependency/recovery movement is one of the new-est and largest offshoots of the addiction treatment industryand the Alcoholics Anonymous Twelve- step program. Everyweek 500,000 self-help meetings are held in this fastest growing of these free, confessional meetings isCo-dependents There are over 1800 Co-depen-dents Anonymous groups in this country, as well as otherself-help groups, such as Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA)and There are also numerous workshops, confer-ences, treatment centers and therapists.

5 And it must beadmitted that the professionals are glad to have the busi-ness. One writer who contends that the vicious cycle of co-1 AND CODEPENDENCYFOR ALL..812 Steps to Destructiondependency can only be stopped through intervention andprofessional care, declared in 1984: Happily, our professionis on the cutting edge of making co-dependency a nationalissue, both on the social level and on the health level. 3 Indeed,the awareness level has reached new heights of popularityand expanded revenues. And as the world goes, so goes thechurch in this newest rage of psychoheresy. Not to be outdone,many psychologists, psychiatrists, and treatment centersoffer the same theories and therapies under the guise of beingbiblical.

6 And churches are joining ranks with Twelve-Stepaddiction and codependency/recovery estimated numbers of supposedly afflictedcodependents range from tens of thousands4 to 40 million5to 100 million6 and upwards to 96% of the Thatlast estimate is a bit high when one considers that most ofthe people who are labeled codependent are women. Butsuch numerical inconsistencies do not seem to bother theexperts in the field. John Bradshaw, a leading recovery guru,claims that Codependency is a plague upon the land. Hedramatically adds, The Black Plague doesn t even compareto the ravages of our compulsions caused by codependency. 8 Considering how many people are attempting to copewith unsatisfactory relationships and difficult situations, thepotential market for self-help books and codependency/recovery treatment is astronomical.

7 The list of books oncodependency/recovery swells along with those dealing withaddictions. They are popular best-sellers in Christian book-stores as well as in general bookstores. Evidently somethingis there. Something is wrong. People are looking for remedies and supposed cures lie hidden in thebooks. But are those remedies the kind that Jesus offers?Are the so-called cures consistent with the Word of God?Serious Problems with Problem SolutionsPeople are attempting to address serious problems. Someare suffering in relationships that have little or no resem-blance to the kind of love demonstrated and taught in theBible. Numerous people are entangled in their own destruc-tive sinful habits and in the life-dominating sins of thoseAnd Codependency for All.

8 9around them. Relationships that are supposed to reflect thelove relationship of Christ and His church may indeed moreresemble a macabre dance of , there are serious problems. However, we questionthe diagnoses, answers, formulas and systems that are beingoffered in the name of help, in the name of love, and even inthe name of Christ. Beneath many programs that purportto be Christian lurk ideas, philosophies, psychologies, andreligious notions that are antithetical to biblical Christian-ity. Codependency/recovery books, groups, programs, andtherapists attempt to rescue people from what they believeto be unhealthy relationships. They give so-calledcodependents strategies to empower the self, build self-esteem, emotionally separate from others, and focus on theirown feelings, ideas and systems of codependency and addiction recoveryare based upon various psychological counseling theories andtherapies and upon the religious and philosophical teach-ings of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).

9 In short, such programsare based upon the wisdom of man and the worship of falsegods. While the Bible may be used, it is not used in its full-ness nor as solely sufficient for all matters of life and , the Bible is placed in a subservient role to supportpopular psychological theories, therapies, and , God is repeatedly redefined according to thelimited understanding of human serious theological problems inherent in thecodependency and addiction recovery movement, there aremany questions about the effectiveness of such programsand about the high rate of recidivism. We will be citingresearch which shows that faith in recovery programs ismisplaced because of their lack of proven effectiveness.

10 Thereis no scientific reason to add the philosophies and psycholo-gies of the recovery movement to the principles and prom-ises in the Bible. And there are strong theological reasonsnot voicing our concerns we are not minimizing the prob-lems being addressed. Instead, we believe the problems areeven more serious than any of the propagators of popular1012 Steps to Destructionprograms and systems of help realize. While such programsaim at helping a person solve certain problems and unsatis-factory patterns of living, we must remember that there areeternal this book we will look at relationships in dire need ofrepair, at habitual attitudes and behaviors that character-ize those who are now calling themselves codependent, andat the remedies and religious ideas offered through Twelve- step recovery programs, therapy, and self-help books.