2011 Patterns of Recovery 2015 - CoDA.org

1 1Co-Dependence Anonymous, 2010 Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. and its licensors -All Rights ReservedRecovery Patterns of CodependenceDenialPatternsCodependents difficulty identifying what theyare feelingI am aware of my feelings and identify them, oftenin the moment. I know the difference between mythoughts and , alter, or deny how they embrace my feelings; they are valid themselves as completelyunselfish and dedicated to the well-being of othersI know the difference between caring andcaretaking. I recognize that caretaking others isoften motivated by a need to benefit empathy for the feelings andneeds of am able to feel compassion for another s feelingsand others with their negative acknowledge that I may own the negative traits Ioften perceive in they can take care of themselveswithout any help from acknowledge that I sometimes need the help pain in various ways such asanger, humor, or am aware of my painful feelings and express negativity or aggression inindirect and passive am able to express my feelings openly, directly,and not recognize the unavailability ofthose people to whom they pursue intimate relationships only with otherswho want, and are able to engage in, healthy andloving difficulty making trust my ability to make effective what they think, say, or doharshly, as never good accept myself as I am.

2 I emphasize progress embarrassed to receiverecognition, praise, or feel appropriately worthy of the recognition,praise, or gifts I others approval of theirthinking, feelings, and behavior overtheir value the opinions of those I trust, withoutneeding to gain their approval. I have confidence not perceive themselves as lovableor worthwhile recognize myself as being a lovable and recognition and praise toovercome feeling less seek my own approval first, and examine mymotivations carefully when I seek approval difficulty admitting a continue to take my personal inventory, and whenI am wrong, promptly admit Patterns of Codependencemay not be reprinted or republished without the express written consent of Co-DependentsAnonymous, Inc. This document may be reprinted from the (CoDA) for use by members of the CoDAFellowship. Copyright 2011 Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. All rights Anonymous, 2010 Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc.

3 And its licensors -All Rights ReservedRecovery Patterns of CodependenceLowSelf-esteemPatternsCodepe ndents to appear to be right in the eyesof others and may even lie to am honest with myself about my behaviors andmotivations. I feel secure enough to admit mistakesto myself and others, and to hear their opinionswithout feeling unable to identify or ask for whatthey need and meet my own needs and wants when possible. Ireach out for help when it s necessary themselves as superior perceive myself as equal to to others to provide their senseof the help of my Higher Power, I create safety inmy difficulty getting started, meetingdeadlines, and completing avoid procrastination by meeting myresponsibilities in a timely trouble setting healthy prioritiesand am able to establish and uphold healthy prioritiesand boundaries in my extremely loyal, remaining inharmful situations too am committed to my safety and leave situationsthat feel unsafe or are inconsistent with my their own values andintegrity to avoid rejection or am rooted in my own values.

4 Even if others don tagree or become aside their own interests in orderto do what others consider my interests and feelings when asked toparticipate in another s hypervigilant regarding thefeelings of others and take on can separate my feelings from the feelings ofothers. I allow myself to experience my feelings andothers to be responsible for their afraid to express their beliefs,opinions, and feelings when they differfrom those of respect my own opinions and feelings and expressthem sexualattention when theywant sexuality is grounded in genuine intimacy andconnection. When I need to feel loved, I express myheart s desires. I do not settle for sex without decisions without regard to ask my Higher Power for guidance, and considerpossible consequences before I make up their truth to gain the approvalof others or to avoid stand in my truth and maintain my integrity,whether others approve or not, even if it meansmaking difficult changes in my Patterns of Codependencemay not be reprinted or republished without the express written consent of Co-DependentsAnonymous, Inc.

5 This document may be reprinted from the (CoDA) for use by members of the CoDAFellowship. Copyright 2011 Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. All rights Anonymous, 2010 Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. and its licensors -All Rights ReservedRecovery Patterns of CodependenceControlPatternsCodependents people are incapable of takingcare of realize that, with rare exceptions, other adults arecapable of managing their own to convince others what tothink, do, or accept the thoughts, choices,and feelings ofothers, even though I may not be comfortable offer advice and directionwithout being give advice only when resentful when others declinetheir help or reject their am content to see others take care of gifts and favors on those theywant to and honestly contemplate mymotivations when preparing to give a sexual attention to gain approvaland embrace and celebrate my sexuality as evidenceof my health and wholeness.

6 I do not use it to gainthe approval of to feel needed in order to have arelationship with develop relationships with others based onequality, intimacy, and thattheir needs be met find and use resources that meet my needswithout making demands on others. I ask for helpwhen I need it, without charm and charisma to convinceothers of their capacity to be caringand behave authentically with others, allowing mycaring and compassionate qualities to blame and shame to exploit ask directly for what I want and need and trustthe outcome to my Higher Power. I do not try tomanipulate outcomes with blame or to cooperate, compromise, cooperate, compromise, and negotiate withothers in a way that honors my an attitude of indifference,helplessness, authority, or rage tomanipulate treat others with respect and consideration, andtrust my Higher Power to meet my needs Recovery jargon in an attempt tocontrol the behavior of use my Recovery for my own growth and not tomanipulate or control to agree with others to getwhat they communication with others is authentic Patterns of Codependencemay not be reprinted or republished without the express written consent of Co-DependentsAnonymous, Inc.

7 This document may be reprinted from the (CoDA) for use by members of the CoDAFellowship. Copyright 2011 Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. All rights Anonymous, 2010 Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. and its licensors -All Rights ReservedRecovery Patterns of CodependenceAvoidancePatternsCodependent s in ways that invite others to reject,shame, or express anger toward act in ways that encourage loving and healthyresponses from harshly what others think, say,or keep an open mind and accept others as they emotional, physical, or sexualintimacy as a way to maintain engage in emotional, physical, or sexual intimacywhen it is healthy and appropriate for addictions to people, places, andthings to distract them from achievingintimacy in practice my Recovery to develop healthy andfulfilling indirect or evasive communicationto avoid conflict or use direct and straightforward communication toresolve conflicts and deal appropriately their capacity to have healthyrelationships by declining to use thetools of I use the tools of Recovery .

8 I am able todevelop and maintain healthy relationships of their feelings or needs toavoid feeling embrace my own vulnerability by trusting andhonoring my feelings and people toward them, but whenothers get close, push them welcome close relationships while maintaininghealthy to give up their self-will toavoid surrendering to a power greaterthan in and trust a power greater than myself. Iwillingly surrender my self-will to my Higher displays of emotion are a signof honor my authentic emotions and share themwhen expressions of freely engage in expressions of appreciationtoward Patterns of Codependencemay not be reprinted or republished without the express written consent of Co-DependentsAnonymous, Inc. This document may be reprinted from the (CoDA) for use by members of the CoDAFellowship. Copyright 2011 Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. All rights reserved.