A Brief Overview for Pastors - Biblical Counseling Coalition

1 A Brief Overview for Pastors (and Others) to Our Premarital Curriculum I'm glad you are interested in our premarital material. Included below is a running commentary that is meant to be a Brief guide to our premarital curriculum. As you can see if you flip through the material, there are three key parts: (1) a marital inventory; (2) our four premarital lessons; (3) a marital book to read alongside the premarital curriculum. (Number three you will need to purchase from a wholesale distributor like Amazon.). On our marital inventory: There are three reasons to use the inventory. Reason 1: The inventory helps you to get to know the couple better. This is especially useful if you don't feel like you know the couple all that well. So I'll deliberately read both of their inventories before the first session (which means you have to ask them to submit the completed inventories a few days in advance of the first session). Reason 2: So you can help the couple to get to know one another better.

2 So, I ask them to fill out the inventory separately and then talk through the entire inventory with one another. The goal is for them to have finished their talk through' by end of the last premarital session. Reason 3: So that you can ask the couple questions (and offer challenges or rebukes or encouragement) in areas of strength, areas of confusion, or areas where they differ with one another, or areas you think they are not yet prepared for marriage. For example, suppose the couple has a very different vantage point on gender roles. You'd want to ask them about their answers, and work through this topic with them. Or suppose one of them struggles with forgiveness. You'd want to ask about this and make sure they are ready to be forgiving of their spouse in marriage. On the premarital curriculum: There are four lessons: a theology of (1) marriage;. (2) communication; (3) sexuality; and (4) everything else (love, money, forgiveness and children). Each lesson is broken down into four parts: (a) the Scripture studies.

3 The main thing we do in each session is study Scripture. Think of this as an interactive, inductive Bible study; not a sermon. We want to study a wide-variety of texts to see what God's Word has to say about the different aspects of marriage. I spend a lot of time asking questions and getting the couple to think through the text. For more mature couples I can ask a lot of questions and lead them through the text by thoughtful questions. For less mature couples, I have to do a lot more than ask questions; I probably have to do a lot more teaching. (b) practical exercises. This is our chance to apply God's Word to the nitty-gritty details of life. These should be completed before they come into the session. Session 1: You see Part 1. Leaving and Cleaving exercise: I don't like the questions, but the main point is to get the couple to talk about any issues with separating from their family. Part 2 is a chance for them to reflect on their vows. Part 3 is the strength and weaknesses exercise.

4 Session 2: Part 1 is communication through Proverbs. I get the couple to pick out Proverbs that reflect their strengths, weaknesses and ideals for communicating. Part 2 is recording a fight. I get them to talk about a conflict they recently had and I try to give them wisdom on how to handle conflict. Session 3: Part 1 is a set of questions that the couple does separately and then talks about them. In Part 2, they each individually find someone who is a Christian, the same gender (guys ask guys; gals ask gals) and married. They will interview this person, asking him or her questions specifically about sex. Questions have been included just in case they don't know what to ask. If they have additional time, I've included a number of other questions to ask. Session4: In Part 1, the main exercise is to complete a tentative budget and then to use the questions included in the curriculum to reflect on their budget. If the wife hopes to be at home after they start having children, I ask the couple to make a second budget that reflects an adjustment to living off of just the husband's income.

5 And then they should compare the first and second budget to see how big of a shift it will be from the first budget to the second. In Part 2, you'll find a scheduling exercise, which helps the couple to align their schedules as a couple, rather than organizing their schedules like individuals in the first few months of their marriage. (c) sermons. Some people learn better by listening rather than reading. (d) reading. Mainly from our main marriage book: Gary & Betsy Riccucci's Love that Lasts. FYI. I've also written a 5-minute lesson on each topic marriage, communication, sex and money. With each 5-minute lesson, I teach the couple a few basic points on each topic. I have my own hand-written notes, and would encourage you to come up with your own. Think of this part as a summary of your own lessons learned in each of these areas. As we revise the premarital curriculum, we'll post a new version in the resource section of the Biblical Counseling Coalition 's website. So be sure to check their website every other year or so.

6 Introduction*to*Pre-Marital* Counseling *a t*CHBC*. We're%very%excited%for%your%engagement%a nd%for%all%that%God%will%do%as%you%move% toward% Thank%you%for%the%privilege%of%assisting %you%and%your%fianc e%as%you%seek%out%pre>marital% Counseling %. at% 'll%find%in%this% Brief %introduction%is%a %short%guide%to%premarital% Counseling %at %. CHBC,%including%a%description%of%the%con tents%of%this% *. WHAT'S*THE*POINT*OF*PREMARITAL*COUNSELIN G?*. There%are%five%purposes%for%premarital% (First,(we(want(to(help(you(build(a(soli d,( Biblical (foundation(as(you(start(your (marriage.((So,%we'll%. spend%a%lot%of%time%in%Scripture%and%thi nking%through% Biblical %ideas%as%they%app ly%to% Secondly,(we(want(to(help(you(begin(a(di alogue(about(your( (communication,%finances,%sex,%parenting ,%etc.)%that%we%think%are%important%to%c onsider%before(you%. get% >long% 'll%. solve%some%problems,%but%many%others%wil l%be%left%for%you%to%work%though%over%th e%course%of%your%. entire% 'll%start%the%dialogue,%and%leave%the%re st%to% Thirdly,(we(will(point(out(areas(of(conc ern(in(your( ,%you%are%going%to%have%problems,%confli ct,%and%struggles%.))))))))))))))))))))) )))))))))))))))))))

7 In%your% ,%the%. more%honest%you%are%about%your%struggles ,%the%more%you%will%facilitate%the%pasto r's%ability%to%help%. you%in%preparation%for% Fourthly,(we(want(to(preserve(you(from( preserving%themselves%from%premarital%se x,%but%once%they%get%engaged,%they%let%d own%their%guard%. and%begin%falling%into%sexual% like,% We're%engaged,%which%means%we%are%practi cally%married%already; %or,% We'll%be%married%soon,%. so%what%does%it%matter? .%Even%worse,%some%guys%feel%a%sense%of% entitlement%to%the%woman's%body%. because%they%are%now% (the%pastoral%staff)%want%to%help%you%fi ght%temptation%and%stay%. pure%until%the%wedding%day!%. Fifthly,(we(want(to(prepare(you(for(the( marriage,(and(not(just(the(wedding( couples%get%caught%up%in%the%frantic%det ails%of%preparing%for%the%wedding%day,%a nd%don't%spend%much%. time%getting%ready%for%the% think%about%the% ,%but%the%. marriage%will%last%for%the%rest%of%your% ,%it%is%good%for%you%to%take%time%to%pre pare%for%this%life>. long%journey% * *.)))))))))))))))))))))

8 WHAT'S*INVOLVED*IN*PREMARITAL* Counseling ?*. Premarital% Counseling %involves%four%sess ions%with%one%of%our%pastoral% range%anywhere%from%8%to%10%hours%total% (approximately%2%to%3%hours%per%session) .%%. Here%is%our%five>fold%strategy%behind%th e%premarital% Counseling :%. READ:**. You'll%be%assigned%reading%from%Gary%&%B etsy%Ricucci's%Love(that(Lasts(and% 's%Sex,(. Romance(&(the(Glory(of( STUDY:**. In%each%session%you%will%study%Scripture %to%set%a%solid,% Biblical % LISTEN:**. On%the%CHBC%website,%you%will%find%sermo ns%that%relate%to%topics%covered%in%each % reinforce%the%material%we%are%studying,% we%will%encourage%you%to%listen%to%a%few %of%the% APPLY:**. Each%session%has%application%exercises%t hat%apply%the%key%ideas%to%your%specific % TALK:**. You%will%have%lots%of%conversations with%your%future%spouse,%with%the% pastor ,%with%your%parents,%. and%with%other%couples%in%the% day%and%help%you%to%grow%in% *. WHAT'S*IN*THIS*BINDER**. In%this%binder,%you%will%find%most%of%th e%materials%you%will%need%for%premarital % Counseling %at%CHBC.)))))))))

9 *. In*the*first*section*of*this*binder*you* should*have:*. The%introduction%. A%marriage%preparation%inventory%. In*the*middle*section*of*this*binder*you *should*have:*. Materials%for%the%four%pre>marital%couns eling% Study%guide,%applications%exercise,%serm ons%to%listen%to%and% Here%are%the%four% Counseling %sessions%in %depth:%. Session%1 A%Theology%of%Marriage%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%. Scripture%Study:%Genesis%1:26>28;%2:15>2 5;%3:1>24;%Ephesians%5:21>31%%%%%%%%%%%% . Exercises:% Vows%/% Sermons:%Mark%Dever%and%John%Piper%%%%%% %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%. Reading:%Ricucci's%Love(that(Lasts,% >3%%%. Session%2 A%Theology%of%Communication%. Scripture%Study:%Matthew%12:22>37;%Ephes ians%4:17>32;%James%3:1>18;%4:1>12%. Exercises:% Sermons:%Zach%Schlegel%and%Paul%Tripp%. Reading:%Ricucci's%Love(that(Lasts,% >6%%%.))))

10 Session%3 A%Theology%of%Sex%. Scripture%Study:%Song%of%Solomon,%1%Pete r%3:1>7;1%Corinthians%6:12>20,7:1>7%. Exercises:% Sermons:%Al%Mohler,%Mark%Dever,%Thabiti% Anyabwile,%and%John%Piper%. Reading:%Ricucci's%Love(that(Lasts,% >8,%CJ%Mahaney's%Sex,(Romance(and(the(. Glory(of(God%. Session%4 A%Theology%of%Everything%Else:%Love,%Mon ey,%Forgiveness,%and%Children%. Scripture%Study:%1%Corinthians%13:%2%Cor inthians%8:1>15;%Matthew%18:21>35;%. Psalm%127%. Exercises:%%Budget%&%Scheduling%%. Sermons:%Al%Mohler,%John%Piper,%and%Andy %Davis%. Reading:%Ricucci's%Love(that(Lasts,%Epil ogue%%. %%. WHEN*ARE*WE* OFFICIAL ?*. In%other%words,%when%does%the%worship%ha ll%reservation%at%CHBC%turn% officially %from%pencil%to%pen%. ( ,%from%tentative%to%permanent)%and%when% can%we%send%out%public%announcements%( ,%mail%your%. invitations%and%list%things%in%the%churc h%newsletter)?%From%the%staff's%perspect ive,%you%are%official%. only%after%you%have%finished%your%four%p remarital% Counseling % get%your%premarital% Counseling %done,%the %sooner%the% pastor %can% sign%off %on%your%use%of%the%worship%.))))))))))