Effective Communication HANDOUT

1 97 2008 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Duplicating this material for personal or group use is DISORDERS PROGRAM: FAMILY PROGRAMPage 1 of 68 HANDOUTE ffective Communication Topic 4: Effective CommunicationHow Can Co-occurring Disorders AffectCommunication in a Family?When a family member has co-occurring disorders, Communication may take extra effort and awarenesson everyone s part. Sometimes a psychiatric disordercan hinder an individual s Communication . Forexample, the person may withdraw and not talk when feeling depressed feel irritable, have angry outbursts, or behaveunpredictably because of mood instability perceive other people inaccurately, which canlead to social anxiety or paranoia make unreasonable demands of others, orshow a lack of concern for them, because ofpreoccupation with fears or anxiety miss or misinterpret common social cues, suchas facial expressions or hints, which can leadto misunderstandingsThese problems can be magnified when the per-son also has a substance use disorder.

2 For example: Interactions with others can be influenced by the immediate effects of substance use,cravings, or withdrawal symptoms. Addiction-related conflicts with others canarise, resulting from lies, broken promises, orfailure to meet Communication serves as preventive maintenance, reassuring family members that theycare about each other and appreciate each other sefforts. Good everyday Communication can also make it easier to bring up issues, make requestswhen needed, and resolve conflict when it family needs ongoingcommunication about sharedinterests and concerns running the household, recreational activities, andsolving problems to namejust a few. Family members also need to be able to express feelings to each other, emotions such as happiness, anger, sadness,concern, and anxiety. XEffective CommunicationXPAGE 2 OF 698 2008 by Hazelden Foundation.

3 All rights reserved. Duplicating this material for personal or group use is DISORDERS PROGRAM: FAMILY PROGRAM8 HANDOUT Substance use can worsen the symptoms of psychiatric disorders and interfere with following treatment problems can raise any family s stress level,leading to conflicts that strain relationships and detract fromthe general quality of family life. Unfortunately,family stressand tension can worsen the course of the co-occurring disorders,resulting in more relapses of both the psychiatric andsubstanceuse for Good CommunicationTry these strategies for improving Communication , resolvingconflict, and building a supportive family to the PointBe brief and up-front when you re talking with someone withco-occurring disorders. Long-winded, roundabout statementsare hard for anyone to follow, but especially someone who hastrouble concentrating as do many people with mental healthdisorders and/or substance use disorders.

4 Get to the pointquickly to be sure you are heard and Feelings Clearly with I StatementsDescribe your own feelings and avoid putting others on thedefensive. By using words such as angry, happy, upset, or worried, you can tell your own truth and help prevent themisunderstandings that can occur when people have to guesseach other s feelings. I statements, such as I feel anxiouswhen .. , are direct, and they make an impression. When upset feelings are involved, I statements work better thanblaming you statements. For example, instead of saying You pissed me off when you were late for dinner last night (a blaming statement), try this: I was angry when you camehome late for dinner last night. I d appreciate it if you d be ontime or call if you re going to be late. Good everyday canmake it easierto bring upissues, makerequests when needed,and resolveconflictwhen Effective CommunicationXPAGE 3 OF 699 2008 by Hazelden Foundation.

5 All rights reserved. Duplicating this material for personal or group use is DISORDERS PROGRAM: FAMILY PROGRAMS peak for Yourself and Not for OthersPeople often speak for others because they thinkthey know what the other person is feeling. In somefamilies this takes the form of indirect backchannelcommunication (for example, Your mother isangry with you ). Be alert to these habits and tryto change them. If you are on the receiving end ofa backchannel message, you might want to gentlyquestion it as well. All of these habits naturallylead to misunderstandings since each person istruly an expert on only his or her feelings. Suchproblems can be avoided if everyone is responsiblefor expressing only their own feelings nobody else may seem hard at first for family memberswho are not used to direct Communication . But inthe long run, it can be helpful to on Behaviors Rather Than on TraitsPeople can change their behavior what they do more easily than they can change internal qualitiesor traits such as personality , attitudes, or you are upset with someone s actions, focusyour Communication on behavior rather than ontraits, making it clear what you are upset it a complete statement, linked to example:Instead of saying: I m concerned about yourhealth.

6 Say: I m concerned about yourhealth because you ve starteddrinking again. Instead of saying: You re thoughtless becauseyou only think of yourself. Say: I sometimes think you don tcare about me because yourarely ask about my wish you would show moreconcern by asking how I mfeeling more often. 8 HANDOUTL isten to the Other PersonNobody knows another person like a family member or so they relatives often know each otherso well that they think they know whatsomeone is going to say even before it is said. So they sometimes cut eachother off in the middle of a sentence,or just don t really listen. But what aperson assumes about another personmay be wrong. And simply making the assumption can interfere with thechange that both people desperatelywant. If we don t listen, we tend to invalidatethe other person s perspective andimply that change is not possible.

7 But if we truly listen, we let peopleknow that we are interested in andcare about what they have to say. And we can show we understand byparaphrasing, or briefly restating, whatthe person just said. For example:John:I feel so down and lonely that I drink to feel :It sounds like your mood really affects your planning some regularactivities with me be helpful?100 2008 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Duplicating this material for personal or group use is DISORDERS PROGRAM: FAMILY PROGRAME ffective CommunicationXPAGE 4 OF 68 HANDOUTC ommunication SkillsAs you apply the pointers in this HANDOUT in your everyday Communication ,practice the following basic skills, are useful for expressingfeelings and resolving disagreements or Positive FeelingsWe all feel good when our efforts areacknowledged. When we give people positive feedback about what they ve done,however small, we let them know they are appreciated.

8 And that sense of beingnoticed and cared about can help foster further change and growth. Try deliberatelyexpressing positive feelings using thesesteps:1. Look at the Tell the person what he or she didthat pleased Tell him or her how it made you example: I m proud of you for going to yourmeeting even though you didn t feellike it. Making Positive RequestsAll close relationships involve doing thingsfor each other to some extent. We all wantand need things from the people we areclose to. But howwe communicate ourwants and needs can have a big impact onhow the other person responds. A requestis most Effective when it is clear, specific,and stated positively. Try these steps:1. Look at the Make a specific Tell him or her how you would feel if the request were example: I d appreciate it if you could go shopping for groceries today.

9 I d like you to come with me to mydoctor s appointment this d like your help in explaining mymedication side effect to her. I wouldbe so relieved to know you can bethere with me. sEffective CommunicationXPAGE 5 OF 6101 2008 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Duplicating this material for personal or group use is DISORDERS PROGRAM: FAMILY PROGRAM8 HANDOUTE xpressing Negative FeelingsWe all have negative feelings at to express them constructively iscrucial to resolving conflicts and gettingalong with others. To air negative feelingsin a way that will help resolve them, trythese steps:1. Look at the person and talk with aserious tone of Tell the person what he or she didthat displeased Tell him or her how you feel as aresult be Make a request for change, if example: I was worried when you didn t comehome from work at your usual the future, if you think you re goingto be late, please call me.

10 I m angry that you stopped takingyour medication. Can we talk aboutwhat your concerns are and work outa way to get them addressed? Making Compromises and NegotiatingPeople don t always agree on what theywant to do together, how to achieve goals,or how to solve problems. Healthy, closerelationships rely on some degree of giveand take, with each person giving as wellas taking. When people disagree aboutsomething, being willing to compromise is an Effective way to reach a these steps:1. Explain your Listen to the other person s Repeat back what you heard (to show you understand).4. Suggest a Be open to talking over other possible a Time-outIf feelings become very intense and heated,it can be hard to communicate effectivelyand resolve problems. Taking a break fromintense feelings can provide time for peo-ple to calm down, collect their thoughts,and approach the situation as construc-tively as possible.