Effects of Differing Neuro/Developmental Levels …

1 Effects of Differing Neuro/Developmental Levels on Neurotypical/. Autism Spectrum Adult Relationships Autism Spectrum Disorder is a term used to describe a spectrum The confusing, Differing maturity A developmental milestone is a of neuro - developmental disorders. Levels between the couple result for Failure to reach certain significant significant neurological step in the the NT, in a unique Post Traumatic It is genetic and results from mature milestones can have an progressing physical, emotional, Relationship Syndrome which Karen intellectual, mental, spiritual maturity neurological factors that delay aberrant effect on a person's ability to Rodman of FAAAS has termed or prevent the developmental function successfully in relationships. of a person to adulthood. Ongoing Traumatic Relationship maturity of many or sometimes Syndrome. (OTRS). nearly all functional brain systems. Effects on adults with ASD as Effects on NT partners of Mature developmental Where Levels of development a result of not reaching mature incongruous developmental milestones reached by NTs may arrest in adults with ASD.

2 Milestones milestones in the relationship Interest only in one's own needs; Difficulty sharing experiences & Perspective, interests & needs Joint attention OCD; narcissism interests disregarded by partner Inability to be in someone else's Theory of mind/Theory of own Inability to see one's own or Loss of sense of self; insecurity;. shoes ; fails to acknowledge and mind awareness of self and others another's point of view uncertainty of own reality denies truth of partner's view Emotions unacknowledged, not Ability to read and interpret body Limited understanding of body Inability to register others' emotions validated and disregarded by language / facial expression language / facial expressions partner Ability to repair & maintain Unresolved disputes, unfinished Inability to repair and nurture relationships, have life-long Few, if any, real friends interactions, unresolved emotional relationships friendships upset; no resolutions to problems Inability to relate to or sense others' Lack of input / return of feelings /.

3 Emotional reciprocity Lack of empathy for people emotions emotional support Difficulties in making relationships, Inability to see the need for small Lack of intimate connection such as Desire or need to socialise and uses role playing, copying socialises for own ego/ pillow talk , real friendship, loving make small talk , interest in others masking outside home to cover manipulation; narcissism foreplay deficiencies Limited ability to admit to mistakes, Sense of humour / understanding Limited humour/ inability to laugh No redress when wronged, sees others as the cause of their of irony & human frailty at oneself and one's own mistakes receives no natural justice . difficulties Unrequited efforts to make Limited to literal understanding of Limited ability to understand irony /. Abstract language themselves heard / lack of loving language metaphor / jokes banter JA Morgan BEd Grad Dip 2016 1. Desire to share own and others' Loneliness in the relationship, few Obsession with own interests; OCD Difficulty sharing anything interests shared positive memories Ability to generalise learning to Rigid compartmentalisation of Inflexibility in learning new ways Unacknowledged and non- new situations concepts and growing validated perspectives Concrete thinking, lacking Little appreciation of hidden.

4 Abstract thinking; higher order schema changes after childhood; meaning in life; unable or very Denial of truth; gaslight . thinking skills lacking insight/inferences/ slow/unwilling to learn new ways phenomenon; self-doubt extrapolation skills of being Imagination and ability to dream of Tendency to remain stuck in a rut Reduction and narrowing of life Solitary imagination possibilities in life experiences Deficient oral / aural Development of auditory skills and Tendency to misinterpret others' Object of misunderstandings communication with receptive /. articulate verbal skills intentions; uses non-sequiteur producing self doubt/ confusion expressive language difficulties Inability to acknowledge or learn Blames others for problems / Falsely blamed, develops strong from mistakes; belief in own Takes responsibility for own actions mistakes; lack of insight into own anger arising from injustice and superiority; always right despite responsibility false accusations evidence Inability to share problems Tendency to get into problem Requirement socially / emotionally Ability to share problems and or foresee consequences and situations; Mr Magoo Syndrome.

5 To fix the unconsidered concerns as a means to solve them possibilities oblivious to turbulence of problems consequences POSSIBLE psychopathic, Exposure to insufficient or unsafe Undeveloped social conscience sociopathic or criminal behaviour, conditions / dismissal of concerns Social conscience, sense of fair & overly strict adherence to own black and white attitude to life;. and reality, may feel intimidated play and natural justice rules; narrowly focussed, unable to extreme zeal for perceived & humiliated; affected by family interpret nuance in life righteous pursuits or power; god- violence/abuse like . Awkwardness, lack of caring in Inappropriate responses or no Deficiency of positive feedback or Ability to react & act spontaneously family and social situations; poor response assistance parenting Undesired isolation, lack of Innate knowledge about social Lack of real understanding of social Desire for isolation or over options for full participation in life.

6 Behaviour behaviour socialisation controlled, narrow social life Deficiency of human physical Comfort, pleasure & pain in Excess or avoidance of appropriate Sensory overload or unawareness contact; enforced/deliberate sensory experiences touch & physical contact celibacy or uncomfortable assault Obligation to repair social gaffes &. Intuition about life; innate knowing Lack of intuition Lack of common-sense misunderstandings by partner JA Morgan BEd Grad Dip 2016 2. Feelings of being socially mimicked Balanced development of emotional Development of intellectual skills Interactions limited to intellectual and depended upon, as a social and intellectual skills over emotional skills responses unless prompted seeing eye dog & surrogate parent Ability to show love and respect Object of manipulation, intermittent Cold and unloving behaviour, lack in tone of voice, eyes, treatment of Limitation to gifts of service reward; experiences fear with loss of compassion, lack of empathy others of trust in the relationship & self Attachment to people, places and Unrequited love.

7 Lose self-esteem, feel Lack of attachment to people Attitude that others are dispensable things unappreciated, manipulated, used Obligation to solely accommodate Lack of sense of self in relation to Reflection and insight into self Inability to reflect on own life partner's needs without compromise others or negotiation Ability to make decisions using Uncertainty of own feelings about Hopelessness in seeking partner's Poor decision making / naivet . emotions and intellect things opinions or commitment Inability to navigate complex Lack of organisational skills; prompt processes and use forethought to Obligation to prompt or fulfil Executive functioning dependence or complete control perceive consequences; passive partner's neglected duties aggression Limited to one task at a time, Ability to prioritise tasks and multi- Neglect of urgent responsibilities / Obligation to solve urgent disasters usually a special interest, strict task panic alone and for partner routine or obsession Prompt dependent; inability to Obligation to remind and prompt react/behave/adapt spontaneously Context awareness, fast intuition; Context blindness; mindblindness; with cues each time; confusing to different social contexts/changes unconscious cognition lack intuition interactions & conversations.

8 Feeling or making necessary exceptions to not understood rules Inability to adapt appropriate Feels the need to constantly guide Able to generalise implicitly and Unable to generalise learning strategies when particular and assist their partner to avoid explicitly on global and local tasks responses/ behaviours are essential embarrassment for their spouse Poor fine/ gross motor skills; Unusual gait, unco-ordinated Physical co-ordination movement, tics; inappropriate facial Senses the unusual movements and Tourette's; hand flapping expressions; immature attempts at facial expressions as intimidation. play . ADHD, ADD, OCD, tantrums; Living with constant stress, fear, Mature ability to control thoughts, Lack of impulse control, manipulates and controls others unresolved anger, domestic abuse emotions, words, actions according uncontrolled meltdowns, by fear, anger, anxiety, verbal/ and violence. Death by a thousand to circumstances. inappropriate anger; rage cycle physical violence; possible paper cuts.

9 Ongoing Traumatic depressive symptoms Relationship Syndrome (OTRS). JA Morgan BEd Grad Dip 2016 3. The chart was compiled by a widely experienced retired educator with post graduate qualifications who has been in an almost three decade long marriage to a man diagnosed with High functioning autism (Asperger's syndrome) by Professor Tony Attwood in 2005. The author has facilitated a support website for neurotypical spouses/partners for several years. The chart was compiled in collaboration with other facilitators of international NT support groups. These facilitators together have over eighty years' combined experience of living with a spouse on the autism spectrum. They have also heard from many tens of thousands of adult NTs living in marriages and relationships with someone with Asperger's/Hfa. The value of the quantity and quality taken together, of that experience of being in contact with so many NTs, cannot be ignored. The chart is also based on numerous neuro scientific research/investigations, along with results of other research into the circumstances of our situation conducted over many years.

10 RESEARCHERS OF NEUROTYPICAL EXPERIENCES: Dr Lisa Abel, Dr Cathryn Rench, Jennifer Bostock-Ling, EC McNeil, R. Doley, Kim L Bolling, Professor Tony Attwood, Maxine Aston SUPPORT WEBSITES. REFERENCES: Based on the work of educational theorists 1. Piaget's Stages of Development 2. Bloom's cognitive/affective learning and taxonomy of higher order thinking skills 3. Kohlberg's development of empathy stages OTHER REFERENCES: Goleman, D, Emotional Intelligence Kourkoulou A, Leekam SR, Findlay JM Implicit learning of local context in autism spectrum disorder Vermeulen, Peter PhD Autism: From Mind Blindness to Context Blindness Autism Asperger's Digest | November/December 2011. neuro SCIENCE RESEARCH: 1. Pierce brain response to personally familiar faces in autism: - . 2. Autonomic and brain responses associated with empathy deficits in autism spectrum disorder. Gu X, Eilam-Stock T, Zhou T, Anagnostou E, Kolevzon A, Soorya L, Hof PR, Friston KJ, Fan J.