Michelle – Heartbreak

1 20150904M Page 1 of 25 Dr. Connelly: Michelle , it's wonderful to start with you. So, if we could today make an 1 adjustment in the way that you automatically feel, if we could adjust the 2 thoughts that automatically come to mind, or we could adjust anything about the 3 way you automatically act or react, what would you want the dials turned 4 toward? What would you like adjusted? 5 6 Michelle : I would like to remove this huge weight of sadness and anger really, truly, and 7 adjust the dials to go back to a position of strength and happiness.

2 And I am in a 8 sort of obsessive state of focus on the end of this Do you want me to 9 get on to that part 10 11 Dr. Connelly: Well, sure. I want to understand what you said about sadness and anger. 12 13 Michelle : I'm sad that this marriage has come to an end. I mean, sad is an understatement. 14 It brought me to my knees and I continue to stay there emotionally. 15 16 Dr. Connelly: Okay. And then anger 17 18 Michelle : Anger It's a display, it's an Look, I'm angry at this particular woman 19 who is involved in my marriage.

3 I'm angry at my husband for dropping a 20 bombshell on me, like a nuclear bomb in my lap six months ago. 21 22 Dr. Connelly: Which headline was what? 23 24 Michelle : "I wanna leave the marriage after 25 years, and I want your permission to have 25 an affair." And also, there' I did not know this about myself until this all went 26 down, is my absolute dependency on him emotionally, and I never knew that 27 really until now, and I cannot break myself free of that. 28 29 Dr. Connelly: Okay. 30 31 Michelle : I came to you because I was listening to some of the things you were talking 32 about and I really view myself as an addict in this relationship, and not only is 33 he the drug but he is the dealer, and I somehow need to free myself of that.

4 And 34 intellectually, I know it's what I have to do is to detox myself from him 35 my heart just won't let me do it. 36 37 Dr. Connelly: I follow you, and that was exactly what I was wanting you to do is give me that 38 kind of information. Next, what I'd like to do is provide you with a way that 39 things can be thought of. I'm going to talk to you about things, about how our 40 minds cause feelings, how mind causes thoughts, how it works together to cause 41 behavior, 42 43 Michelle : Can I say one thing to add to that? 44 45 Dr.

5 Connelly: Yeah. 46 47 Michelle : And the struggle is compounded by the fact that not only is my love for him like 48 Michelle Heartbreak 20150904M Page 2 of 25 it was the day I married him, I still love this man and he loves me very much 49 too, and if he had it his way, we'd all still be one big happy family, we have 50 children. We'd all go on vacations together, we would have holidays together, 51 we would not live in the same home but live next door to each other, and we 52 would continue our lives as they were but we'd also have this relationship.

6 53 54 And that love that he gives me, feeds me enough where it's hard to stop that, it's 55 hard to stop loving someone. I don't know how to do that, and it seems like 56 that's the only way I can get out of it. I feel like this love I have is keeping me 57 from healing, and I I don' I don't, I I The longest I've 58 gone without talking to him is seven days in these past six months, and my goal 59 is to get to 30 days. I ve just been trying like an addict to clear myself of that 60 desire. So anyways, that' I don't know if that means anything, 61 62 Dr.

7 Connelly: Oh, it's certainly useful to understand stuff about what you've been going 63 through. And, you are wonderful in the way you use language and what you're 64 describing and I get it. I absolutely get what you told me has been going on for 65 you. So, what I'd like to do next is to go ahead and give you a way of 66 understanding, a way of thinking, about how our minds cause thoughts and 67 emotions, some of the mechanics of how it works. As I go over these things 68 with you, don't try to apply any of it to yourself. 69 70 Michelle : Okay.

8 71 72 Dr. Connelly: You're super bright, we keep it out here, you're gonna pick it up quickly. Then if 73 it makes some sense, and I'm pretty sure it's going to, then we can see how this 74 will apply in a way that will be beneficial to you. 75 76 Michelle : Okay. 77 78 Dr. Connelly: But first, I'd like us to be looking through the same lens together, having the 79 same way of thinking about stuff. 80 81 Michelle : Right. 82 83 Dr. Connelly: So, how often do we hear somebody say, "I just wish I could make myself 84 stop"? How often do we hear somebody say, "If only I could get myself 85 started"?

9 86 87 Michelle : Right. 88 89 Dr. Connelly: I don't think any other life form has ever had either of those thoughts. I bet you 90 if a crow wants to be over there, that she doesn't even spend a moment trying to 91 figure out how to motivate herself. Our human mind is much more advanced 92 than any other life form. A new Toyota, certainly more advanced than a Model-93 T Ford. The Toyota is constructed so that everything is integrated, everything 94 works with everything else. Our minds are not much like that Toyota, think 95 about a Model-T Ford that somebody has hooked up a cruise control and a turbo 96 20150904M Page 3 of 25 to, and that's more the way our minds work.

10 97 98 You see. And as our human minds became more advanced than mind of a goat, 99 only one component became more advanced. So, if you imagine this advanced 100 part on top of the goat part, we have the same thing as the turbo charge on top of 101 the Model-T and someone might say, "Yeah, but each of them are good." But 102 you'd argue, "Yeah, but not necessarily so good together." So, before I go into 103 describing in more detail what goes wrong with human mind, let me spend a 104 few moments talking about how things just work well for a more primitive life 105 form.