Transcription of Notes from the Underground
1 Notes from the UndergroundAuthor(s):Dostoevsky, Fyodor (1821-1881)Publisher:Christian Classics Ethereal Library, Grand Rapids, MIDescription:Many consider Dostoevsky s Notes from the Undergroundthe first existentialist narrator and main character,often called the Underground Man, is a bitter, misanthropicretiree living in St. Petersburg. He lives each day in constantphysical and psychological pain. He has no job and livesentirely off of his retirement funds. A bad tooth and an achingliver make it difficult for him to do anything but stay at homeand write Notes about his ennui and Under-ground Man shares moments from his past, and throughthem, he explains how he came to despise both himself andother people.
2 Masterfully, Dostoevsky immerses the readerin the dark, but fascinating, mind of his fromthe Underground remains one of the great Russian novelist smost popular works and is one of the most widely-read andinfluential works of classic literature of the last O BannonCCEL StaffiContents1 Notes from the Underground2 Author's Note3 PART I - I - A Propos of the Wet PDF file is from the Christian Classics Ethereal Library, The mission ofthe CCEL is to make classic Christian books available to the world. This book is available in PDF, HTML, and other formats.
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4 It may be freelycopied for non-commercial purposes as long as it is not modified. All other rights are re-served. Written permission is required for commercial from the UndergroundNotes from the Underground1 Notes from the UndergroundAuthor's Note*The author of the diary and the diary itselfare, of course, imaginary. Nevertheless it is clearthat such persons as the writer of these notesnot only may, but positively must, exist in oursociety, when we consider the circumstances inthe midst of which our society is formed. I havetried to expose to the view of the public moredistinctly than is commonly done, one of thecharacters of the recent past.
5 He is one of therepresentatives of a generation still living. In thisfragment, entitled " Underground ," this personintroduces himself and his views, and, as it were,tries to explain the causes owing to which he hasmade his appearance and was bound to make hisappearance in our midst. In the second fragmentthere are added the actual Notes of this personconcerning certain events in his life. --AUTHOR'S 's Note2 Author's NotePART I - UndergroundPART I - Underground3 PART I - UndergroundI am a sick man.. I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man.
6 I believe my liver isdiseased. However, I know nothing at all about my disease, and do not know for certainwhat ails me. I don't consult a doctor for it, and never have, though I have a respect formedicine and doctors. Besides, I am extremely superstitious, sufficiently so to respectmedicine, anyway (I am well-educated enough not to be superstitious, but I am superstitious).No, I refuse to consult a doctor from spite. That you probably will not understand. Well, Iunderstand it, though. Of course, I can't explain who it is precisely that I am mortifying inthis case by my spite: I am perfectly well aware that I cannot "pay out" the doctors by notconsulting them; I know better than anyone that by all this I am only injuring myself andno one else.
7 But still, if I don't consult a doctor it is from spite. My liver is bad, well--let itget worse!I have been going on like that for a long time--twenty years. Now I am forty. I used tobe in the government service, but am no longer. I was a spiteful official. I was rude and tookpleasure in being so. I did not take bribes, you see, so I was bound to find a recompense inthat, at least. (A poor jest, but I will not scratch it out. I wrote it thinking it would soundvery witty; but now that I have seen myself that I only wanted to show off in a despicableway, I will not scratch it out on purpose!)
8 When petitioners used to come for information to the table at which I sat, I used togrind my teeth at them, and felt intense enjoyment when I succeeded in making anybodyunhappy. I almost did succeed. For the most part they were all timid people--of course, theywere petitioners. But of the uppish ones there was one officer in particular I could not simply would not be humble, and clanked his sword in a disgusting way. I carried on afeud with him for eighteen months over that sword. At last I got the better of him. He leftoff clanking it.
9 That happened in my youth, do you know, gentlemen, what was the chief point about my spite? Why, the wholepoint, the real sting of it lay in the fact that continually, even in the moment of the acutestspleen, I was inwardly conscious with shame that I was not only not a spiteful but not evenan embittered man, that I was simply scaring sparrows at random and amusing myself byit. I might foam at the mouth, but bring me a doll to play with, give me a cup of tea withsugar in it, and maybe I should be appeased. I might even be genuinely touched, thoughprobably I should grind my teeth at myself afterwards and lie awake at night with shamefor months after.
10 That was my was lying when I said just now that I was a spiteful official. I was lying from spite. Iwas simply amusing myself with the petitioners and with the officer, and in reality I nevercould become spiteful. I was conscious every moment in myself of many, very many elementsabsolutely opposite to that. I felt them positively swarming in me, these opposite knew that they had been swarming in me all my life and craving some outlet from me, butI would not let them, would not let them, purposely would not let them come out. me till I was ashamed: they drove me to convulsions and--sickened me, at last,how they sickened me!
