Parenting through separation - Resolution

1 Parenting through separation Putting your children first Parenting through separation : Putting your children first Who are Resolution and the Introduction to this Guide Contents Parenting After Parting Committee? Becoming a separated parent is not something Who are Resolution and the 2. We are Resolution . We are a group of family justice professionals Parenting After Parting Committee? (lawyers, mediators, therapists and coaches) from around the you may have anticipated. It is challenging in so many ways and can be very daunting. Introduction to this Guide 3. country. We work with families and individuals to resolve issues in a constructive way. This guide aims to give parents access to Sharing our Stories 4.

2 Information and support that helps them The end of the relationship what does 6. We were founded in 1982 by a group of family lawyers who believed throughout their Parenting journey, through it feel like and what will happen now? that a non-confrontational approach to family law issues would produce separation , divorce and beyond. What should my first steps be now that 8. better outcomes for separating families and their children. Over the I have separated from my partner? decades the organisation has grown to become a membership We can't promise it has all the answers Your new co- Parenting role 10. organisation for professionals working with separating families. you seek, but we hope it will provide you with helpful information on how to find Communication 11.

3 We are passionate about helping families to navigate the challenges of Parenting in the wake of separation in the best way possible for a constructive way forward at whatever How important is the voice of the child? 18. their children. stage you are on your journey. Extended Family 23. We know that divorce or separation can be very difficult. But, when It may be that you are still in a relationship What are the types of dispute that might 24. parents learn to work together to support their children, this leads to but fear it may soon end; you may have arise between separating parents? outcomes that are better not only for children, but also for parents just separated from your partner and be The future and changes that might 26.

4 Themselves. apprehensive about what the future happen along the way holds; or you may have been separated How could things look if we get this right? 28. Our vision is of a world where families facing difficult change are from your ex-partner for a considerable supported so they can achieve child-focused solutions and for We can't agree and need help 29. amount of time but for various reasons conflict to be taken out of family law disputes. are unable to co-parent, leading to parental What is the legal position? 32. That is why our Parenting After Parting Committee has produced conflict. Whatever your situation, we hope Jargon Buster 34. this guide as a resource for parents going through separation this guide enables you to find helpful What do I do if I have been in an 36.

5 Or divorce. solutions and that you refer to it as and abusive relationship? We hope this guide will be helpful not only for separating when it's needed. What resources can my child(ren) 38. and I refer to? parents, but for all those supporting them 2 3. Parenting through separation : Putting your children first Sharing our Stories Ruth's story The first time I had to handover my son to his dad for the night. Two members of the Parenting after Parting Committee He was one year old. share their stories. It was summer. It was probably a Tuesday night. My son's father rang the doorbell to This guide aims to help you make pick up our child to take him to his new flat for the first time. I answered the door and decisions, to understand things from We are privileged to introduce this guide for parents who are I felt sick.

6 Our child was so little still. A baby. His dad stood on the doorstep. I clung onto our son. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want to let go. And as I reluctantly passed your child's point of view and your ex's point of view. It aims to show separating. Bringing up children after separation is truly one him over the threshold, he began to scream. Scream like I have never heard him scream before. And I will never ever forget that screaming for as long as I live. It was like he you that we understand that what you are about to embark on won't of the hardest things. We want to share our stories with you knew that his whole life was going to change. As though he knew it was going to be harder for him in many ways.

7 He was protesting. I could still hear him screaming down be easy, but it will be the most important thing you will ever do. in the hope that they might help you choose to keep the street. through this guide we want to explain what you might be feeling, persevering to bring up your children together as co-parents, Something primal and fundamental had been severed from me. It was a pain I don't think I have ever fully healed from. A deep visceral pain that ran through my core. to show you that you're not alone, to give you things to think about, to even though you are no longer in a relationship together. Now it's 12 years on. So much has happened. I'm a co-parent coach for a start. Which help you make your decisions.

8 We want you to feel supported. must mean that somewhere along the way it must have turned out ok. And yes, in many Please use it as a guide. Pick it up When couples separate it's usually a difficult process. When ways it has. We share our son, we communicate well. We even all get together with new whenever you need it. Read ahead partners and new children so we can surround our son with a safe parental bubble as as far as you need to. Share it with couples who have children separate, it's even harder. Both of often as possible. the people around you. Get as much support as you can. Most of all us have divorced and both of us have children. Neither of us I help parents who are separating get to a place where they can talk with each other, please remember, you're not alone, make decisions together, protect their child as parents together.

9 All of this provides such there are people out there ready to found it easy. We decided to write this together, not to say a fundamentally important structure for the child to grow up in. It keeps them safe and support you whenever and however teaches them that relationships may not be perfect, but they can still work. I also tell you need it. that one of us did it the right way and one of us did it the parents the truth. That this will be the hardest thing you ever do. wrong way, but to empower you in your choice of how you Co- Parenting means that you will see your child less than you want to. And that's not easy. The thing that keeps me going is that I know, I deeply and fully know, that my son work with your ex to bring up your children.

10 Needs to be with his dad too. We hope our honesty empowers you to think about your Nadia's story children at the front and centre of everything you do. My story isn't straight forward. I have three children. With hindsight, I wish I had Co- Parenting may be the hardest but most important When my son was 11 and my daughters were 10 and 8, done things very differently. thing you will ever do for your children. their dad essentially disappeared for about 18 months, I wish that I had been concentrating on a new relationship. supported by professionals Everything fell apart. It was a mess and we all suffered. Probably my son suffered the adopting all or any of the most as he missed his father so much and he also tried to become man of the house'.