Teaching Emotions - Vanderbilt University

1 Teaching Your Child to: Identify andExpressEmotionsThe Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning Vanderbilt University This Sound Familiar?Maggie is playing with her four-year-oldson. He selects a truck puzzle and beginsmatching and placing the pieces in theholes. He has a difficult time turning a piecearound so that it will match the hole and tells him, Let me help you turn it theright way. Her son pushes her hand away andsays in an agitated voice, Let me do it. Hetries to fit the piece in again, but isunsuccessful. He screams and throws the pieceacross the room and then throws the puzzle atMaggie. What would you do if this happened in yourhome? Would you throw in the towel and quitfor the night, maybe try again tomorrow? ORwould you turn it around and create a brandnew lesson, about helping your childunderstand and talk about his Emotions ?The Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning Vanderbilt University Focus Young children deal with many of thesame Emotions adults do.

2 Childrenget angry, sad, frustrated, nervous,happy, or embarrassed, but they oftendo not have the words to talk abouthow they are feeling. Instead, theysometimes act out these Emotions invery physical and inappropriate example, when Maggie s son wasfrustrated, he threw the puzzle pieceand the puzzle. The Solution Parents can help their childrenunderstand and express theiremotions. The following strategiesare some of the ways you can helpyour child express his feelings: Help your children understandtheir Emotions by first giving thefeelings names and thenencouraging them to talk abouthow they are feeling. Forexample, you might say to yourchild, Daddy left on a trip, youare sad. You said you want yourDaddy. By giving your child alabel for her Emotions , you enableyour child to develop a vocabularyfor talking about feelings. Give children lots of opportunitiesto identify feelings in themselvesand others. For example, youmight say to your child, Ridingyour bike is so much fun.

3 I see yousmiling. Are you happy? Or youmight point out a situation and askyour child to reflect on whatsomeone else may be feeling: Joey bumped his head on theslide. How do you think Joeyfeels? Teach your children the differentways they can respond to specificfeelings, conflicts, or about your own feelings withyour children. Rememberyesterday when the water in thebathtub would not go down thedrain? Mommy got so mad and doyou remember what my face lookedlike when I got mad? Can youmake a mad face like Mommy s? Talk with your children aboutdifferent ways you deal withspecific feelings. When I get mad Itake a deep breath, count to three,and then try to think of the best wayto deal with my problem. Teach your child to identify andexpress their Emotions in ways thatyour family and friends findacceptable. For example, you mighttell your child SometimesGrandfather is angry when thingsdon t go well at work. What doeshe do? He sits on the porch until hefigures out what he wants to sayabout it.

4 You should sit and thinkwhen you get angry. The Steps 1. Explain the feeling by using wordsyour child can easily to use pictures, books, or videosto help get your point across. Lookat Little Red Riding Hood s face;she is so scared when she sees thewolf in her Grandma s bed! 2. Teach your child the different wayswe can deal with feelings. Let yourchild come up with ways she candeal with her feelings. Talk aboutpositive and not so positive ways toexpress feelings. There are manystrategies you can use to teach newways to appropriately expressfeelings: Use real-life examples or teach inthe moment. For example, Youare having a difficult time puttingyour trike in the carport. Youlook frustrated. What can youdo? I think you could ask forhelp or take a deep breath andtry again. What do you want todo? Teach your child new ways torespond to feelings by discussingcommon situations that yourchild might remember or thathappen frequently.

5 For example, Yesterday, you were angrybecause Joey would not let youplay with his truck. You were somad that you hit him. When youfeel angry that Joey won t let youhave a turn, what should youdo? You can use children s books totalk about feelings. For example,ask your child when reading abook, What is (character inbook) feeling right now? Howdo you know? Have you ever feltthat way? What do you do whenyou feel that way? Keep it simple, use visuals orpictures to help get your pointacross, and always try to relateyour lesson back to somethingthat happens in your child s life. Teach your child new strategiesto use when feeling Emotions thatmay be expressed inappropriately( , anger, frustration, sadness).Strategies to share with yourchild might include taking a deepbreath when frustrated or angry,getting an adult to help resolve aconflict, asking for a turn whenothers won t share, asking for ahug when sad, and finding aquiet space to calm down Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning Vanderbilt University displayed; it will taketime before your child canbe creative with this you guess, ask yourchild to name what makeshim have that taking turns until yourchild shows you that he isnot interested in continuingthe a storyin a new way.

6 Reada book to your child that showscharacters who experience differentemotions ( , sad, happy, scared,worried, confused, etc.). Stop on apage where the character isshowing the expression. Ask yourchild What do you think he isfeeling? Why is he feeling thatway? or Look at her face, howcan you tell that she is __? Otherquestions could be Have you everfelt___? What make you feel thatway? or What will happennext? or What should he do? Do not pause too long on one pageand only continue the discussion aslong as your child shows an emotion bookwith yourchild. An easy project to do withyour child is to create a homemadebook. All you need is paper,crayons or markers, and a can make a book about oneemotion and have your child fill thepages with things that make herfeel that way. For example, a Happy Book may have picturesthat you and your child draw ofthings that make her happy,pictures cut out of magazines thatare glued on the pages, orphotographs of friends and familymembers.

7 Another approach is tohave the book be about a variety offeeling words and do a page oneach of several Emotions (happy,mad, surprised, scared, irritated,proud, etc.). For children who havea lot to say about their feelings, youmay want to have them tell you asentence about what makes themcan t hit me or shout at me. Earlier,you wanted a cookie before dinnerand you hit me. The next time youfeel frustrated, you can tell me andthen take a deep breath and calmdown if you feel angry. )Practice Makes PerfectHere are some activities that you cando with your child to help him or herunderstand feelings. Here are some activities you can dowith your child to help him or herunderstand feelings. Play Make a Facewith your start the game by saying, I amgoing to make a face, guess what Iam feeling by looking at my face. Then, make a happy or sad your child guesses the feelingword, respond by saying, That sright! Do you know what makes mefeel that way?

8 Follow by describingsomething simple that makes youhave that feeling ( , Going to thepark makes me happy. I feel sadwhen it rains and we can t go to thepark. ). Please note, this is not thetime to discuss adult circumstancesthat are linked to your Emotions ( , When your Daddy doesn t call me, Ifeel sad. ). Then say to your child, Your turn, you make a face and Iwill guess what you are feeling. Don t be surprised if your childchooses the same emotion that you3. Praiseyour child thefirst time he tries to talkabout his feelingsinstead of just is REALLY importantto let your child knowexactly what she did rightand how proud you are ofher for talking aboutfeelings. It should always beOK to say what we are s how we choose to show ourfeelings and respond to themthat requires special effort. 4. Support your child to talkabout feelings and practice hernew strategies for expressingemotions appropriately everychance you get. For example,you can talk about feelingswhen you are playing a game,when you are riding in the car,or when you are eating will be all kinds of thingsthat happen every day that willbe great opportunities for you totalk about feelings.

9 The moreoften your child practices, thefaster your child will Do not try andpractice when your child is in themiddle of a meltdown. Usequiet, calm times to teach andpractice the new strategies. Forexample, if your child is having a meltdown because she does notwant to wait for a cookie until afterdinner, she will not be in the moodto practice expressing herfrustration with words, rather thana tantrum. In this situation, youhave to be deal with her Emotions ( , I know you really want acookie now, but that is not anoption, we are going to eat dinnerin 5 minutes. You may have acookie after dinner. ). However,you can talk with your child aboutthe incident after she is calm anddiscuss the best way for expressingthose Emotions ( When you arefrustrated that you can t have whatyou want, you can tell me, but youfeel an emotion so you can write thesentence on the page. Then, yourchild can cut out a picture to glue inthe book or draw a picture to go withthe emotion.)

10 Warning, this activityis more likely to be enjoyable toyour child if you do it together, butmight be difficult for your child todo Mirror, do Isee? with your child. Using a handmirror or a mirror on the wall, playthis game with your child. Look inthe mirror and say Mirror, mirror,what do I see? Then make anemotion face. Follow by naming theemotion by saying, I see a sadMommy looking at me. Turn toyour child and say your turn. Helpyour child remember the phrase Mirror, mirror what do I see? Yo umay have to say it with your , tell your child to make a faceand help him say the next sentence I see a happyPatrick looking atme. Don t be surprised if your childalways wants to use the emotion thatyou just demonstrated. Play thegame until your child loses Feelings Sometimes children express theiremotions in ways that areproblematic. Your child might crywhen frustrated or throw toys whenangry. Here are some different waysyou can teach your child to act onfeelings:Ask for helpSolve problems with wordsSay it, don t do it (say I am mad instead of throwing toys) Tell a grown-upTake a deep breathDescribe what you are feelingThink of a different way to do itRelax and try againWalk awayAsk for a hugPutting it All Together Understanding Emotions is a criticalpart of children s overalldevelopment.