THE BITTER HOMCOMING - vietvet.org

1 This article first appeared in the Sunday, De-cember 5, 1982 edition of the Grand Rapids Press,circulation in excess of 500, BitterHomecomingby Dennis J. StaufferI left Vietnam nearly 14 yearsago and tried to put that phaseof my life behind. I kept myexperiences private, as didmany Vietnam veterans, toavoid the pain of that also kept quiet because thewar was not a welcome topicoutside the walls of veteransclubs. The Viet vet became ascapegoat for our country sinvolvement in an faced rejection and ver-bal, sometimes physical as-sault. That s why many veteransquickly discarded their uniformsafter returning home; it waseasier than facing humiliation inpublic month, Vietnam liveagain for me and for thousandsof Viet vets with the dedicationof the Vietnam Veterans Memo-rial in Washington learned about the memorialover a year ago and knewimmediately I had to participatein its dedication, if for no otherreason than to fill a void left bythe Vietnam War.

2 It touched mylife and me generation the four male children onour fatherless family (my fatherdied while still a comparativelyyoung man), three of us were ofage during the Vietnam of us had tours of duty inVietnam. I returned home brother did , both of my sister shusbands saw duty in , I felt a vestedinterest in that black granite wallbeing built in the city of there was a strongerreason compelling me to makethis journey. It was to be ahomecoming long denied veter-ans of the black period in ournation;s that in mind, my brother-in-law, Bennie Vinton, and I leftfor Washington November 10 tobe in time for the dedication onthe 13th. Somehow, we hopedour participation would help putthe Vietnam veteran into betterperspective.

3 The war may havebeen bad, but the soldier was a bittersweet experi-ence viewing the memorial forthe first time. It stands againstthe cold earth in a depression inthe ground just off ConstitutionAvenue, some 200 yards fromthe Lincoln I stood there with a briskwind sweeping past, I recog-nized some of the names on themirrored surface. There was myyounger brother, of course, butthere were other names, bud-dies I once knew as flesh was in Vietnam during thelate 1960s as a senior radaroperator for field artillery. Al-though our unit usually was inthe middle of combat zones, wewere spared the hand-to-handfighting that took so many I had friends who boughtit over there, young men I knewas laughing, youthful buddieswho died because they didn tshirk their duty, regardless ofthe morality of the was the BITTER sweet part came be-cause finally we were honoringthose boys-turned-men, ourVietnam War dead, in ournation s design for the monumenthas been as controversial aseverything connected with thewar.

4 The 500-foot long blackwall was selected from over1,400 designs because itssimple, meditative design ex-pressed both human tragedyand a sense of wall has over 58,000names inscribed on it. Many ofus were emotionally movedwhen we saw it. I heard a fewveterans grumble; they did notfeel its silent tribute and lookedupon it as still another slap inthe real reunion began onVeterans Day, November 11, asViet vets after attending aspecial Armistice Day service inArlington, filtered into the parkto view the Viet vets were teary-eyed, some angry, some didn t matter whether youwere dressed in the remains ofcombat gear, leather jackets orthree-piece suits, whether yourhair was conservatively trimmedor shoulder-length and still, we shookhands and embraced, saying toone another with sincerity andemotion, Welcome homebrother.

5 This set the tone forthe coming weekend. Thegreetings and warmth touchedevery part of the city, whereverfellow veterans was a brief ceremonyat the memorial this morning puton by children of dead or miss-ing servicemen. They placedflags and a wreathnear the wall andsnag patriotic thevoice of a distraughtveteran roared fromthe crowd. His facewas twisted in rageas he shouted unin-telligible remarksabout the betrayal ofViet veterans, disagreeingwith his views and the timing ofthe disturbance, began shoutinghim down. The disruption wasquickly brought under controlwhen a group of long-haired,bearded veterans wearingidentical windbreakers identify-ing them as members of aVietnam Veterans LeadershipProgram began singing BattleHymn of the Republic.

6 Soon hundreds were singingalong. Several veterans nearthe distraught man consoledhim. The order of the dayquickly became apparent; theVietnam veteran would takecare of his days of reunions wereheld at the WashingtonSheraton. An attempt was madethrough computers and thou-sands of square feet of bulletinboard to match veterans withtheir old overseas units. It wasnot unusual to see crowds ofveterans reading thousands ofnotes tacked to the boards andcalling out old unit names andnumbers, hoping to find a famil-iar morning of November 13was cold and windy, but thatdidn t matter as my brother-in-law and I raced across town. Aspart of the dedication ceremony,Viet vets had planned a paradedown Constitution and numerous march-ing bands were to gather at apark about two miles from thewar arrived at the park andsaw placards with the names ofstates held aloft.

7 We hurried tothe one reading were about 200 veteransfrom the Wolverine state, asmall number compared withcontingencies from such statesas Massachusetts with it del-egation of 1, parade was an eventwith it ragtag arm of nearly100,000 veterans, high schoolmarching bands and bandsfrom the Army, Navy, Air Forceand Marines. ConstitutionAvenue was lined with thou-sands of cheering held signs reading Wel-come Home. There were more Viet vetswaiting at the memorial. As theparaders arrived, they fannedout to find vantage points for thededication. I found an openarea near the monument setaside for Gold Star vets weren t the onlypeople on hand. There wereveterans from other wars, somewho d lost children in the Viet-namese conflict.

8 One manstood out. Dressed in battleregalia from World War I, a 93-year old dough Boy inched hisway through the throng hopingto get close enough to thememorial to present his tri-folded American flag fromanother era to the memory ofthose who had fallen three he was denied accessby Park Service Officials, achant rose from the crowd, Lethim over, let him over (a snowfence surrounding the memo-rial). Finally, the officers re-lented and escorted the gentle-man to the top of the we waited, I struck up aconversation with a veteranwho d lost a brother and twocousins in Vietnam. He wasseverely wounded himself and,though he survived, experi-enced tremendous adjustmentJan Scruggs, the Vietnam veteran respon-sible for the memorial greets another vet had the unbelieveable fortune ofsharing a box with him on Veteran s after returning divorce and bout with alcohol-ism later, he now was puttinghis life back visit to the memorial wasa way of typing up loose stringsin his life.

9 It was as if the memo-rial brought the Vietnam war outof the closet into the publicconsciousness. The Viet vetwasn t to blame for the war and,for this veteran, the perma-nence of the memorial meantthat he and his family would notbe dedication ceremony wasformal, all pomp and color manyof us had experience during ourmilitary years. The Air forceband played and the colorswere presented with program was keynotedby Jan Scruggs, the Vietnamveteran whose inspiration wasresponsible for the creation ofthe Vietnam Veterans his talk he recited a fittingtribute from Philip Caputo sbook, A Rumor of War. So much was lost with you,so much talent and intelligenceand decency.

10 You embodiedthe best that was in us. Youwere a part of us, and a part ofus died with you, the small partthat was still young, that had notyet grown cynical, grown bitterand old with death.. whateverthe rights or wrongs of the war,nothing can diminish the right-ness of what you tried to do ..You were faithful. Your countryis not .. As I write this, 11 years afteryour death, the country forwhich you died wishes to forgetthe war in which you died. Itsvery name is a curse .. Butthere are a few of us who doremember because of the smallthings that made us love you your gestures, the words youspoke, and the way you loved you for what you wereand what you stood for. This article was published the theGrand Rapids Press December 5, 1982along with several of the photographsthe author shot while in Washington week in scene caught my eye immediately, and still demands strong emotional re-sponse.