THE GIFT OF MARRIAGE a sermon by Bon Air …

1 1 THE GIFT OF MARRIAGEa sermon byR. Charles Grant, Air presbyterian church - richmond , VirginiaJanuary 14, 2001 Texts: Genesis 2:18-24 I Corinthians 7:1-7, 17 Ephesians 5:21-33A little boy was at his first wedding. After the service another child asked him, How many men can awoman marry? Sixteen the little boy replied. How do you know? The preacher said it four better, fourworse, four richer, four poorer. (Holy Humor, 107)The speaker at a woman's club was lecturing on MARRIAGE and asked the audience how many of thewomen wanted to "mother" their husbands. One member in the back row raised her hand. "You want to motheryour husband?" the speaker asked. "Mother?" the woman echoed. "I thought you said smother." (Ibid.)I have a lot of reservations about preaching on MARRIAGE . First, there are SO MANY BAD JOKES andso many words about MARRIAGE today, that I hate to add to them.

2 If you want advice on your MARRIAGE , better tosee me in private, consult a therapist, read a book, or tune in to Dr. Phil on also know it is hard for many of your to hear ANY word from the church on MARRIAGE . You may bedivorced or suffering now in a bad MARRIAGE . Perhaps your parents or children or siblings are divorced, and youknow the pain first hand of MARRIAGE . Others of you are not married and may never marry. Let me make sureall of you hear a most important word from the church on MARRIAGE : there is no condemnation of you if you aredivorced, and you are not excluded from the family of God or the family of the church if you are not very practical reason for not speaking too loudly about what the church has to say about MARRIAGE isthat the Bible, the primary source book of the church , has precious little to say about MARRIAGE .

3 The teachings ofthe church have tended to accept and follow the conventions of society - not lead the world in newunderstandings of MARRIAGE . No where is this more evident than in Ephesians, and its words calling for , within the church conversation about MARRIAGE has become mired in the church s debate overhomosexuality. At one end of the spectrum there are those who insist that the only arena for sexual expressionpermitted by God is within MARRIAGE . At the other end there are those who believe that homosexuals who loveeach other and are committed to each other should be blessed by the church the same as persons who marry areblessed. I don t choose to enter that debate today. What I am searching for is a Christian word on affirms that MARRIAGE IS A GIFT. To say MARRIAGE is a gift means at least three things: MARRIAGE is a given, MARRIAGE is not be given to everybody, and as a gift, MARRIAGE is a say MARRIAGE is a given recognizes that the church did not invent the institution of MARRIAGE , andfrankly, the church does not define MARRIAGE : Long-held social customs and the state define what MARRIAGE the church does is recognize and bless MARRIAGE and seek to place it within the context of say that MARRIAGE is a gift does not mean everybody has that gift or OUGHT to have the gift ofmarriage.

4 MARRIAGE is one gift among many we enjoy. If you are SINGLE, you are no less of a person in theeyes of God or in the eyes of the church . If you are MARRIED, you do not possess any special blessings byvirtue simply of being married. And if you are HOMOSEXUAL, you are no less gifted than a heterosexualperson. As Paul wrote in I Corinthians, each person has a particular gift from God, one having one kind2and another a different that may be, let each of you lead the life that the Lord hasassigned, to which God called you. This is my rule in all the churches. MARRIAGE is a gift that is not given to all, but the gift of MARRIAGE IS a BLESSING that leads to humanfulfillment. As the liturgy of the wedding service puts it, God created us male and female, and gave usmarriage so that husband and wife may help and comfort each other, living faithfully together in plenty andin want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, throughout all their days.

5 God gave us MARRIAGE forthe full expression of the love between a man and a woman. In MARRIAGE a woman and a man belong to eachother, and with affection and tenderness freely give themselves to each is a blessing for the individuals who enter into MARRIAGE . MARRIAGE is also a blessing forHUMAN SOCIETY. As the liturgy of the wedding service puts it, God gave us MARRIAGE for the well being ofhuman society, for the ordering of family life, and for the birth and nurture of the days of the sexual revolution, the institution of MARRIAGE has undergone many changes. Manyof these changes were sorely needed, including affirming the full personhood of women and the equality ofhusband and wife in MARRIAGE . The failings of so called traditional roles in marriages have been rightlyexposed as limiting human fulfillment, rather than enhancing personal expression and growth.

6 But marriagestill serves as one of the building blocks of church and society. And the sexual revolution has served tounderscore the order and strength MARRIAGE brings to society. As our presbyterian church Confession of 1967declared, the relationship between man and woman exemplifies in a basic way God s ordering of theinterpersonal life for which God created humankind. Anarchy in sexual relationships is a symptom ofhumanity s alienation from God, neighbor, and church , as the household of God, is called tolead men and women out of this alienation into the responsible freedom of the new life in faith, like its Hebrew antecedent, recognizes that the basis of MARRIAGE is a COVENANTBETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN. The MARRIAGE service publicly formalizes and places within thecontext of the church the PROMISES made between husband and wife: promises to faithfully love, cherish,and honor one another throughout the changing circumstances of life.

7 As a covenant, MARRIAGE is a publiclyrecognized and legally sanctioned relationship: a MARRIAGE in secret is really a contradiction in writer of Ephesians makes a startling claim about the covenant of MARRIAGE : marital partnersshould relate to one another as Christ does to the church . We often miss this claim, stumbling over the maledominated language of his day. But Ephesians claim is a provocative charge to BOTH parties in MARRIAGE :Just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, so also, husbands and wives, you are called tosacrificially love one and wives should love each other with a genuine, other-oriented, accepting, sacrificial accept each other s faults and shortcomings. To be concerned with THE OTHER S growth and respect and honor each other. To be obsessed with freedom. To freely offer forgiveness even before it isrequested.

8 To love one s husband or wife the way Christ loves his the covenant of MARRIAGE , the partners MUTUALLY give of themselves for the other. MARRIAGE is nota relationship in which one partner may dominate the other, or one partner enjoy great freedom while the othersuffers in servitude. MARRIAGE is a relationship of mutual love and sharing, so that mutual fulfillment mayabound. MARRIAGE is not a 50/50 proposition. MARRIAGE is a 60/40 proposition with each partner GIVING60% and TAKING only 40%. Or to quote Ogden Nash, To keep your MARRIAGE brimming / With love in theloving cup / Whenever you're wrong, admit it / Whenever you're right, shut up!"3In Genesis we read, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as hispartner. The point here is NOT that the woman is the helper of the man. The point is that it is a blessing toboth woman and man to leave their families of origin and to join with one another in a holy and mutuallyfulfilling relationship.

9 What in the generations after Adam and Eve became MARRIAGE . The Bible is the story of God's faithfulness to the covenants he extend to his people - and the inability ofmen and women to keep the promises they make. Throughout the Bible men and women fail to keep their promisesto God and to each other and have to start over again with NEW covenants, replacing the old ones they haveborken. Aa covenant is not a once for all pledge: a covenant must be continually RENEWED and all Biblical covenants, MARRIAGE is a covenant that BEGINS with a promise, but only survives byGRACE. If MARRIAGE required the two parties to faithfully and perfectly honor and keep ALL their promises, therewould be NO marriages. Marriages endure on grace extended, not on promises is like a braid of hair. Two strands cannot be braided.

10 But when a THIRD braid is added, thestrands can be tightly woven. In MARRIAGE the two partners can become one only when they are joined by the powerof GRACE: forgiving, loving, empowering, enduring, three little words most often associated with MARRIAGE are "I love you." And certainly love is centralto the MARRIAGE covenant. But the covenant of MARRIAGE survives less on love than it does on three OTHER littlewords: I FORGIVE YOU. Christian MARRIAGE thrives on gracious forgiveness. And it is through mutual andcontinuous forgiveness that husband and wife become heirs of the grace of Mendelssohn was a brilliant thinker and observant Jew of the 18th century. His grandson was Felix,the story is told of the MARRIAGE Moses' father arranged for him. Moses was to wed a rich, young, beautifulwoman named Fromet Guggenheim.