THE WRITER'S JOURNEY INTO PRODUCTION OBLIVION …

1 THE WRITER'S JOURNEY into PRODUCTION OBLIVIONW ritten byJonathan SieffA script based on my painful experience of development andpre- PRODUCTION Jonathan Sieff 20 Henry Road East Hertfordshire07947 890843 EN4 8 BDFADE IN:EXT. KEVIN S HOUSE - DAYCAPTION: SUMMER 2016It s hot and dry. A RUNNER (19) a young guy in cargo shorts,a tank top and trainers sprints down the street. He'spractically melting from the heat, whilst juggling equipmentand multiple coffees like a pro. He runs up to Kevin s mundane, middle-class detached s almost there but trips on his own shoelace. There s acrash followed by a splash as coffee and camera equipment goeverywhere. INT. BEDROOM SET - DAYA typical parent's bedroom rigged up with lights and camerasset up on (20) a ditsy free-spirited girl lays in bed next toLEAD (21) the visual antithesis of Hugh , that was amazing.

2 So, where dowe go from here?The Lead line please?KEVIN ( )Okay guys. Take sits (22) a lanky and pristine hipster turns to the CASTand the hell is my soy, locally-sourced, Fair Trade, latte? The Runner enters, in messy clothing and with a batteredappearance. He walks up to of breath()Here s your hands Kevin the drink. Kevin takes a 's cold, get me Runner sits on the bed buttoning up her shirt. The Lead grabsa copy of the script from the bedside table. He startsmaking walks over to CHARLIE (21) a young guy in a bland t-shirt and scruffy jeans sitting away from the shoot. Charliehands her a pink scrunchie. Dani starts tying her hair image ( )Okay. Let s tell this from COFFEE SHOP, LONDON - DAYCAPTION: AUTUMN 2015A small independent coffee shop in central s windy. Pages of a bound script flutter. Kevin, wearinga light jacket and a fedora closes the script.

3 Charlie iswrapped in a thick coat, a woolly hat and a scarf. He putshis hands on his coffee cup to warm them. Charlie is tapping a cigarette against his ( )The guy opposite me is this hipsterwannabe Indie sticks the cigarette in his mouth and goes to lightit. Kevin shakes his head, lights the cigarette and takes a CLUB - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)CAPTION: SUMMER 2015 - Indie Film-makers' Meet n GreetAn underground London club filled with pretentious andoverenthusiastic FILM-MAKERS. GROUPS of Tarantino-esque filmbuffs and David Lynch-loving Eraserheads populate the and Kevin are chatting. Kevin crushes Charlie s handand shakes it violently. Charlie s arm flails wildly andlooks as if it s about to ( )I met him at one of thosenetworking is grinning nervously. Kevin s face is brimming with .FLASHBACK ENDSEXT. COFFEE SHOP, LONDON - DAYC harlie takes a final drag of his cigarette.

4 The ash catcheshis finger. Charlie flinches. He throws the cigarette in 's a sign you should (cont'd)The reason I wanted to meet isbecause I have a producer he and I agree. We want you tobe part of the team, every step ofthe flicks through the (cont'd)But Jeff and I were thinking youcould do some TO:FANTASY #1 Kevin turns to one of the (cont'd)But Jeff and I were thinking youcould do some rewrites because it sjust too nods. He grabs his piping hot coffee. He goes totake a sip, but instead throws it into Kevin s face. Kevincovers his face, blinded and in pain. Charlie gets up andwalks TO:REALITYK evin flicks through the looks It s a film about grabs his piping hot coffee. He looks up at Kevin. Hetakes a turns to a here, where they hookup. It s a bit clich d. Tony andGemma lie in bed together. Bass-heavy music can be heard thumpingfrom downstairs.

5 CHARLIEWhat about it?Kevin writes on the script and turns it to Charlie. Charliepicks up the script and reads the (cont'd)Oh come on. It s not a chucks the script back at (cont'd)Any other rewrites wets his finger and flicks through , where Tony attempts that. It s just so , I ll give you that else?KEVINJust one. Change the the whole ending s phone that answers it. Charlie goes back to his (cont'd) yeah. Okay. I ll let fantastic, see you puts the phone excited Kevin begins packing his stuff (cont'd)That was Jeff, he s looking forwardto meeting you at the auditionsnext Charlie can utter a word, Kevin is crossing over CHARLIE S BEDROOM - NIGHTA small bedroom with posters for vintage print ads framedon the walls. And more clothes on the floor than a Primarkchanging copy of Robert McKee s Ten Commandments is stuck to thewall above Charlie s work sits at a desk hammering away at his keyboard with acigarette in his mouth looking like Raoul Duke from Fear andLoathing in Las Vagas.

6 Charlie stops typing. He grabs a pen and ticks off Rule #10 Thou shalt rewrite. Charlie takes the cigarette out of his mouth and stubs itinto a bowl filled with cigarette ()Here s your fucking hits the enter CHURCH, MAKESHIFT CLASSROOM - DAYA small makeshift classroom for Sunday School. Above thedoor is a audition space has been set up. Kevin and the PRODUCER(28) a well-dressed man are sat at a table #2A nervous-looking Charlie rushes in. A beam of sunlight hitsthe Crucifix as Charlie enters. It rebounds off the crucifixand onto Charlie. Charlie screams as he s dragged down toHell through the floor as Tubular Bells plays in thebackground. When Charlie disappears a Pentagram is burnedinto the nervous-looking Charlie rushes takes a breath and rights himself. He pulls up achair. Kevin pours some water from a jug into a glass andpasses it to glugs it Producer scowls at re late.

7 We ve only got fiveminutes till the first ( )Look at this TO:INT. OFFICE - DAYA neat office with a pile of scripts on an oak desk. Behindthe desk are shelves filled with Producer sits at the desk. He takes a script from thepile. He flicks through it, closes it and stamps REJECTED on front cover. He grabs the next script and skims the firstpage. He closes it and stamps REJECTED on the front continues doing this with a few more scripts. The opening of Ave Satani plays in the Producer grows a pair of demonic horns. The bookshelfbehind him engulfs in flames. Maniacal laughter can ( )..He s probably some schnook whogave his business card to a - THE LINEAGE OF BUSINESS CARDIMAGE: The Producer handing his business card to BUSINESSMAN (35) the most 80s looking business man ever. CHARLIE ( )(cont'd)Who gave it to a : Business Man handing the business card to CLOWN (35)a shameless Ronald McDonald ( )(cont'd)Who gave it to a : Clown handing the business card to RECEPTIONIST (25)all acrylic nails and sass.

8 CHARLIE ( )(cont'd)Who gave it to a : Receptionist hands the business card to MAN #1 (35) asmartly-dressed effeminate man. CHARLIE ( )(cont'd)Who gave it to a ENDSINT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHTMan #1 and MAN #2 lay lovingly entwined on a sofa covered bya silk sheet. There s clothing scattered all over the room. CHARLIE ( )Who hooked with a guy at a birthdayparty and CHARLIE (AS MAN #1)Oh, you re in the film industryright?Man #2 (AS MAN #1)I know this guy who s looking tomake a career in film. Here, I llgive you his business #1 gets up, fully nude. He walks over to his trousersand puts them on. He reaches into the pocket and pulls out abusiness card. He hands the business card to Man # TO:INT. CHURCH, MAKESHIFT CLASSROOM - DAY (LATER)Charlie, Kevin and the Producer sit waiting for the , why don t you read withthe actors? After all, it is Producer sticks the script out for Charlie to d rather I m not really the acting I begrudgingly snatches the script from the Producer shands.

9 The Producer NEW-YORKER (21) a young typical New York Nativestrides into the Producer hands her a copy of the (cont'd)Page New-Yorker turns to the page. She and Charlie startreading from the script. CHARLIEI nterior. Bedroom. Day. Tony andGemma lie in bed New Yorker clears her NEW-YORKERT hick Brooklyn accent()Wow. That was amazing. So, where dowe go from here? The Producer thinks. He writes some CHURCH, MAKESHIFT CLASSROOM - DAY - SAME (LATER)Charlie, Kevin and the Producer sit in anticipation of thenext of extravagant actresses auditioning for the role of GEMMA .FEMALE BADASS (22) a Michelle Rodriguez/Milla Jovovich-typestruts in confidently. Charlie, Kevin and the Producer , Kevin and the Producer shake their OPERATIC ACTRESS (27) prepares to read the , Kevin and the Producer shake their sinks into his seat.

10 He buries his head in OLIVIER (21) a classically-trained actress dressed asLady Macbeth prepares to and the Producer shake their is trying to keep himself (25) a scantily-clad and well-endowed actress preparesto perks up walks right up to the table where the three men aresitting. She leans over the table, revealing her cleavage satisfied() Wow. That was amazing. So. Wheredo we go from here? Bunny takes a few steps back. She and the Producer shake their heads. Charlie and the Producer turn to Charlie. They both frown asthey shake their enters the , I m Dani sees Kevin, she looks at him perplexed, as ifshe s seen him sees Charlie and smiles. Charlie smiles sounds of MOANS and BED SPRINGS can be (cont'd)Listen. We have got to catch distinctly remember I said I dbuy you a Producer loudly clears his you two are finished, we d quitelike to get this over with so wecan go home for the clears his throat and prepares to and Gemma lie in bed Wow.