Understanding Conflict - EFCA

1 Understanding Conflict A booklet study for teams 1 INTRODUCTION One of the major sources of stress for missionaries comes from a misunderstanding of the nature of Conflict , which often results in tension and resentment between missionaries. The main objective of this resource it to help teams understand: the nature of Conflict , the tendencies people exhibit in dealing with Conflict , the biblical concept of peacemaking, and the resources available to help make plans for appropriately dealing with Conflict . Before beginning this study, please ask yourself the following questions: How well do you know your teammates? Do you know their values, how they work best, their expectations, gifts and strengths? Have you seen how they typically respond to stress? If not, please take the time to first go through the How Well Do You Know Your Teammates? study in Appendix 1 at the end of this booklet.

2 You will find two exercises to help clarify the expectations of your team, as well as references for additional resources that will help build Understanding among your team members. Intended Audience: ReachGlobal teams that currently work together face-to-face and/or virtually Study Resources: The Peacemaker, by Ken Sande, Chapter 1, pages 17-38 ( ) Activities referenced from the ENHANCE Healthy Teams Toolbox (HTT) ( ) 2 Conflict Styles Questionnaire (self-score version) in Appendix #2, p. 17. Course Objectives: As a result of this resource, teams: Will have examined and discussed the biblical texts that deal with Conflict as it applies to Christians and the Church. (Connection) Will be familiar with the nature, sources, and remedies for Conflict . (Content) Will know where to find resources on Conflict management ( HTT). (Content) Will understand their personal Conflict style and their teammate s styles.

3 (Connection/Content) Will have discussed how they plan to deal with Conflict as a team. (Challenge) Will have demonstrated their commitment to Understanding Conflict by active participation and transparency utilizing the four group meeting sessions. (Change) This course was designed with specific learning tasks (what is done) for each course objective. Each learning task for the course can be broken down into 4 basic types known as the 4C s (Connect, Content, Challenge, and Change. For an explanation of the 4C s of Learning Tasks: Connection, Content, Challenge, and Change, please see Appendix #4, p. 30. Course Structure: 4 sessions 2 hours per session - 30 minutes of pre-work (before the team meeting) - 1 hour meeting with team - 30 minutes of post-session work 3 Copyright Issues: Please note that materials available through this course may be protected by third parties. They are provided solely for use by the participants in this course.)

4 Please do not distribute, post, or publish copyrighted materials from this course without the express permission of the copyright holders. 4 SESSION 1 Conflict : A BIBLICAL VIEW Objectives: As a result of this session, participants: Will have examined and discussed the biblical texts that deal with Conflict as it applies to Christians and the Church. (Connection) Will become familiar with the nature, sources, and remedies for Conflict . ( Conflict ) Pre-work: Read The Peacemaker chapter 1, pages 29-38 (through the Four G s), and answer the following questions in the spaces provided. 1. What do you think of Ken Sande s definition of Conflict ? What, if anything, would you change and why? (See note*) 2. Which of the four primary reasons for Conflict (misunderstandings, differences, competition, and sinful attitudes) have you seen most often in the groups or teams of which you have been a part (not including your current team)?

5 *Note: In legal terminology there is a concept known as a Conflict of interest. It is described as a situation that has the potential to undermine the impartiality of a person because of the possibility of a clash between the person s self interest, and professional or public interests. No human being is completely impartial. Each of us has real differences of opinions and preferences which agree with or Conflict with those of people around us. Like all things, our personal interests and preferences need to be yielded to God. 5 3. Do you agree with Sande s statement that Christians should seek unity and not demand uniformity? Why or why not? 4. How can Conflict be an opportunity for us to glorify God? 5. Which ideas and verses do you want to remember when you are faced with a Conflict ? Write down one idea and/or verse. At the team meeting: Icebreaker Give a short example of a real Conflict (not from your present team) that proved to be beneficial in your life and state why.

6 If you would like, also give an example that did not end well. (10-15 min.) Discuss people s answers to the reading pre-work questions. (30 min.) Pray for one another and for God s leading of the team in this study. (10 min.) Go over the next pre-work items and agree on the next meeting time. (5 min.) After the meeting: Homework idea: In your devotions take time to look over several of the Scripture passages from the reading and let the Holy Spirit speak to you. Write down any thoughts that the Lord gives you as you pray. 6 SESSION 2 RESPONDING TO Conflict Objectives: As a result of this session, participants: Will have examined and discussed some of the causes of Conflict for missionaries and for their team. (Connection/Context) Will have considered the peacemaking responses to Conflict , and discussed them as a team. (Challenge) Pre-work: Read pages 21-27 in the Peacemaker (chapter 1), and the article entitled Sources of Conflict in the HTT, pg.

7 70. Write your answers to the following questions in the space provided. 1. Do you agree or disagree with the statement, Conflict is normal in close relationships ? 2. Which of the listed sources of Conflict may contribute to conflicts we have? 3. Which additional factors not mentioned in the Sources of Conflict article would be unique to a team of missionaries or to your team in particular? 4. What is one important take-away from this article? NOTE: If you are on a virtual team (not together in the same location), what are the stresses on your team that could lead to Conflict ? How does not being face-to-face add to, change, or diminish Conflict ? 7 At the team meeting: Icebreaker Give a short example of someone you know who responded well (biblically) to Conflict . What most impressed you? Why? (10-15 min.) Discuss people s responses to the pre-work questions and answer as a group which of the peacemaking responses could be used when conflicts occur.

8 (30 min.) Pray for one another and for God s leading of the team in this study (10 min.) Go over how to take/score the Conflict Styles Questionnaire in this study. Do not take the questionnaire in the group meeting; just ask if people understand or have questions before they complete it on their own. Please note that the version in the HTT is slightly different in terms of the graph and the descriptors of the animals (see Appendix 2 for details.) Note that the Conflict Styles questionnaire is very similar to the Thomas-Kilman Conflict Mode instrument. The questionnaire must be taken from the context of your current team. (5 min.) Go over the next pre-work items and agree on the next meeting time. (5 min.) After the meeting: Homework idea: Find someone with whom to share what God is teaching you about being a peacemaker, and ask that person to pray for you.

9 The person can be someone on the team, a faraway friend, etc. 8 SESSION 3 Conflict STYLES Objectives: As a result of this session participants: Will have examined their personal Conflict style and that of their teammates in the context of the current team. (Connection) Will have understood the positives and negatives of how they deal with Conflict as a team.(Challenge) Will have discussed how to help one another approach Conflict situations constructively. (Change) Pre-work: Read pages 17-20 in The Peacemaker (chapter 1). Read the article on Conflict Styles and the animal descriptions of each type in the Team Dynamics and Relationships section of the HTT (pgs. 76-79). Take the self-score version of the Conflict Styles Questionnaire in Appendix 2 (15 min.). As an alternative, your team may take the Conflict Styles Questionnaire online version from the University of Arizona at Tucson. This version scores the questionnaire for you, but it gives you only your top style and not your secondary style.

10 It is recommended that the entire team take the same instrument, either the version in Appendix 2 or the one online. The context for taking the instrument is your current team. At the team meeting: Icebreaker Answer the questions: What did you like most about the way the Conflict was handled in the reading from The Peacemaker? Which of the characters Conflict styles do you most identify with (brothers, Frank, sister, or pastor)? Why? (10 min.) Discuss the follow-up question: Do you agree with Sande s statement in the last paragraph on pg. 20, 9 Focusing on God is the key to resolving Conflict constructively ? (10 min.) Each team member shares his or her Conflict Style Questionnaire results (see below). Then, answer the below questions as a team. (25-30 min.) - Which Conflict management style does each team member tend to take? - Are there different styles used by you or your teammates in different situations?