Verbal Judo for Officials! - NFHS

1 Verbal judo for Officials! Chad Collins, General CounselKentucky High School Athletic AssociationVerbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association What is Verbal judo ? The Japanese word judo JU = gentle DO = way In Physical judo , you use of the energy of others and redirect that energy to subdue or incapacitate. It is self defense! Simply put, The Gentle Art of Persuasion Verbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association What Verbal judo is not! It is not Verbal Karate! License to take or give Verbal abuse License to disregard playing rules and or regulations We look to praise without manipulation; speak with escalating; and criticize without devaluingVerbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association Who am I? Soccer Official Administrator USSF Certified Coach Father / Husband / Son / BrotherVerbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association Who are you?

2 Verbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association Why is any of that important? We all where many different hats (some never come off) and recognizing that is the first step to better communication. These skills are applicable to all these roles, but we will focus on officiating. 3 overarching goals of Verbal judo : Safety; Enhance Professionalism; and Increase judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association Who is an official? Verbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association What is your most dangerous tool or weapon? For cops, it is not gun or a club, but And this will prevent us from achieving our real goal of voluntary judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association What is your most valuable tool or weapon? In one To win a hundred victories in 100 battles is not the highest skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the highest skill.

3 Verbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association The importance of Acknowledgment I appreciate that Yes sir I got it This begins to establish and illustrate empathyVerbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association Know your Cultural Differences Sioux No eye contact but for blood family or those being measured for the kill Americans Out of my face and out of my space Eye Contact Middle east If your not inside their personal space this is disrespectful Loud! Verbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association Know your Cultural differences aside, people generally fit into 3 categories: Nice People Difficult People (WHY?) WimpsVerbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association 11 Things You Never Say to Anyone1. Come here! 2. You wouldn t understand. 3. Because those are the rules. 4. Its none of your business.

4 5. What do you want me to do about it? 6. Calm down. 7. What's your problem? 8. You 9. I m not going to say this again. 10. I m doing this for your own good. 11. Why don t you be reasonable? Verbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association 11 Things You Never Say to Anyone Come here = Go away! You wouldn t understand = your stupid Its none of your business = I have lost control here What do you want me to do about it? = I have lost control hereVerbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association 11 Things You Never Say to Anyone Calm Down is a form of criticism What s your problem? = I am never the problem You (generalizations) Verbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association 11 Things You Never Say to Anyone I m not going to say this again I m doing this for your own good (pointless) Be reasonable = you are unreasonableVerbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association Verbal Abuse The greatest abuse today is.

5 Verbal abuseVerbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association Single most powerful word in the English Empathy Not SympathyVerbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association Single most powerful word in the English The key to success is staying calm in the midst of conflict, deflecting Verbal abuse, and judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association The Greatest Speech You Will Ever Live To Regret Samurai state of mind = mushin= still center Closest English word is disinterestedVerbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association The Greatest Speech You Will Ever Live To Regret 2 Principles for dealing with difficult people (taking abuse): Let the person say what he or she wants as long as they do what you say Focus on behavior, not attitude! Always look for judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association 5 Tools to gain Voluntary ComplianceLEAPSV erbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association Tool # 1 ListeningVerbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association Tool #2 EmpathyVerbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association Tool # 3 AskingVerbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association Tool # 4 ParaphrasingVerbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association 14 Benefits of the hook; control; for understanding; correction; a better listener; empathy (other); attention; sonic intention; to clarify (other); metaphrasing; for reverse paraphrasing; you to clarify; fair play; you to focus (real issue).

6 Verbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association Tool # 5 SummarizingVerbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association judo v. Karate If judo is the gentle Caution Too aggressive and burns bridgesVerbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association The 5 Phases of Voluntary judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association 3 Great Communication (contact) (options) Verbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association Why is this so difficult? (taking Verbal abuse) You can learn to take more Verbal abuse if you begin to see yourself as a professional who treats others with dignity and respect. You are dealing with 6 judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association Consider Avoid the inner voice Value of Personalization Never underestimate the power of praiseVerbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association The Power of Praise Be specific Be aware of surroundings If necessary, criticize first, then praise.

7 Why? Verbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association This is no place for ANGER! Never mix emotion and punishment. abuse Verbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association Take Spirit of the law versus letter of the 3 overarching goals of Verbal 5 Tools to gain voluntary compliance Most important Verbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association Additional Verbal judo , The Gentle Art of Persuasion, George J. Thompson Getting to Yes, William l. Ury Your sports playing rules! Verbal judo for officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association Thank You!