Women's monologues! As alwaysread the entire script before ...

1 WomenWomen's monologues ! As the entire script before performing your monologue. Don't be a slacker! When you are ready to print, please highlight, copy, and paste into a document. If you just hit "print" every single monologue will print!!!Humorous All Kiding AsideBums--EvelynBums--MaryBus StopCoupla ChicksCourtship'dentity crisisDiary Adam/EveDivinersFortinbrasHouse of Blue LvGreater TunaJakes Women-MaJakes Women-KaLoss of RosesKilldeerLast of LoversLuvMarriage Bet/booMary, MaryMiss FirecrackerMore fun BowlingNaomi Living RmMissing MarisaOne SundayPlay it again, SamPrimary EnglishSister Mary-SisSlow DanceAnton in ShowStanton's GarageStarspangled GirlSylviaVanitiesLaundry & Bourbon #1 Nothing butNonsense #1 Nothing but Nonsense #2 Couple White ChicksCriminal Hearts #1 The ForeignerLearning to DriveAudition is OverCriminal Hearts #2 Triplet, the brideJakes WomenFinal Dress RehearsalCome Blow Your HornBedroom FarceNice People Dancing Good Country Music2 Couple White Chicks 2 Cleopatra.

2 On SuicideLaundry & Bourbon #2 Plaza Suite--Norma #1 Plaza Suite--Norma #2 Delicate BalanceCatholic Schoolgirls #2Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Butterflies are FreeSchoolhouse Rock/Conspiracy TheoryDramaticAgnes of GodAll the way homeAnne of 1000 dayBad SeedBrighton BeachBrdway BoundCat on Tin Roof 1 Cat on Tin Roof 2 Catholic SchoolCentral Pk WestCrimes the Hrt 1 Crimes the Hrt 2 CrucibleDark top StairsDiary Anne FrankFather's DayGamma Rays 1I Never Sang DadI ought to be in picLemon SkyI'm a StrangerIndependenceInvisible FriendsKennedy's ChildNice People DancLettice & LovageLittle FoxesLost in Yonkers'night motherSeascapeOur TownOutrageousPicnic Out of Father'sRoostersShe Was LostSign in SidneySister Mary-DiStage DoorTo Be Young Gifted BlkStreetcar #1 Streetcar #2 SummertreeTaken in MarriagTwo for SeesawThe GuestTeach Me How to Cry #1 RashomanThe NecklaceShe was Lostfile.

3 ///C|/Documents%20and%20 Settings/Administrator/Desktop/Womens% (1 of 145) [8/8/2008 3:20:36 PM]WomenA TantalizingTeach Me How to Cry #2 Seascape Sharks &DancersDog Eat DogCome Back Little ShebaImpromptuDon't Look DownGetting OutVoices--KateVoices--GraceChicago--Rox y HartDancing w/Devil--Young woman Laundry & Bourbon #3 Haiku--NellNever Been Kissed- movieLily DaleThey Shoot Fat Women (TV)Sisterhood of Traveling PantsQuilters AnnieQuilters 2 Quilters 3 Quilters 4 NutsOh Dad, Poor Dad Classic monologues (pre 1904) CLICK HERE FOR THE COMPLETE WORKS OF WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE AYLI = As You Like It MOV = Merchant of Venice R & J = Romeo & Juliet MAAN = Much Ado About nothing MND = A Midsummer's Night DreamAYLI Ros 3-2 AYLI Ros 5-2 AYLI 5-4 Ros EpAYLI Phebe 3-5 AYLI Phe #2 3-5 MOV Port 1-1 MOV Por 3-2 MOV Por 4-1 MND Fairy 2-1 MND Hel#1/1-1 MND Hel #2 2-2 MND Her #1 3-2 MNDHel #3 3-2 MAAN Bea 2-1R& J Jul 2-2 White DevilDoll's HouseIdeal HusbandHamlet-OpheliaPsycheThe Miser--FrosineMidsummer'sWhite LiarsThe SeagullMonologues not from scripts--appropriate for theatre one AmandaAmy's ViewAnnieArcata PromiseBarbaraBettyBrianneCindyDarleneDo ll's LifeEllenFeliciaJillKateLove is a PlaceMarcieMaryRoseSharonShirleySophistr yThe AuditionUnweddedVictoriaStrange SnowDraw the

4 LineGoing to extremesGossipIt's not youKill our love lifeKarenLook at YourselfLove PillMagnetic PersonMaking ScenesMigrainesMr. UniverseGood BehaviorMeticulous Person Mother's DayModern Day MannersOne MomentOnly KetchupSense of HumorSeductiveBetrayalOutcastDelinquentA shleyPicture of PerfectionDitched Hello RickAlexisPhone Crazy (comedy)The DivorceEmily--dramaHallmark Holiday (comedy)Real (drama)Confused Teen (humorous)Wrong and ReadyThe First DayDriver's License is Piece of Cake file:///C|/Documents%20and%20 Settings/Administrator/Desktop/Womens% (2 of 145) [8/8/2008 3:20:36 PM]WomenAGNES OF GOD by John Pielmeier AGNES Where do babies come from? Well, I think they come from when an angel lights on their mother's chest and whispers into her ear. That makes good babies start to grow.

5 Bad babies come when a fallen angels squeezes in down there. I don't know where good babies come out. (Silence) And you can't tell the difference except that bad babies cry a lot and make their fathers go away and their mothers get very ill and die sometimes. Mummy wasn't very happy when she died and I think she went to hell because every time I see her she looks like she just stepped out of a hot shower. And I'm never sure if it's her or the Lady who tells me things. They fight over me all the time. The Lady I saw when I was ten. I was lying on the grass looking at the sun and the sun became a cloud and the cloud became the Lady, and she told me she would talk to me and then her feet began to bleed and I saw there were holes in her hands and in her side and I tried to catch the blood as it fell from the sky but I couldn't see any more because my eyes hurt because there were big black spots in from of them.

6 And she tells me things like--right now she's crying, "Marie, Marie!" but I don't know what she means. And she uses me to sing. It's as if she's throwing a big hook under my ribs and tries to pull me up but I can't move because Mummy is holding my feet and all I can do is sing in her voice, it's the Lady's voice, God loves you! (silence) God loves you. (silence) I don't eat because I have been commanded by God. I'm getting fat, there's too much flesh on me. I have to be attractive to God. He hates fat people. It's a sin to be fat. Look at all the statues. They're thin. That's because they're suffering. Suffering is beautiful. I want to be beautiful. Christ said it in the Bible. He said, "Suffer the little children, for of such is the Kingdom of Heaven." I want to suffer like a little child.

7 I am a little child, but my body keeps getting bigger. I don't want it to get bigger because then I won't be able to fit in. I won't be able to squeeze into Heaven. I'm too fat! Look at this--I'm a blimp! God blew up the Hindendburg. He'll blow up me. That's what Mummy said. But if I stay little, it won't happen. She says God presents us to our mothers in bundles of eight pounds six ounces. I have to be eight pounds again. I'm being punished. I don't know why. (she holds out her hand, bleeding) It started this morning, and I can't get it to stop. Why me? Why me?back to topALL KIDDING ASIDE by Charles Johnson ScottyWelcome to the show. My name is Scotty Devlin. I know what you re all How come she has a boy s name? Actually my real name is Heidi. But I had to change it when I lost my virginity.

8 Everyone named Heidi must change their name when they lose their virginity. That s the rule. Look at these girls over here all rustling through their programs. You re all Heidis, right? Sorry. Am I embarrassed or what? Actually, I lied to you. Scotty is my real name. You see, when I was born the doctor was either far-sighted or a prankster, because as I popped out, I remember it vividly, he declared "it s a boy." In fact, I was a boy until my mother changed my diapers for the first time. Can you imagine their surprise. My mother fainted. My father just stared, "he can t be my boy." I was in tried calling me Judy for a while but I just wouldn t respond. Would you have? There s a Heidi nodding her head. Oh, by the way, the part about all Heidis having to change their names when they lose their virginity, I didn t lie about hat.

9 That is a known fact. Yes, it s true. Think about it. How many grown women do you know named Heidi? All the Heidis I know are about 8 years old with long blond braids down their backs. They all wear pink dirndls with little white aprons. And are surrounded by goats. They skip their way into high school, getting A s in Home Ec. Then one day, probably on their 21st birthday- wham- Veronica, Yvonne, Desiree. This is absolutely true, I promise you. You ve never heard of a child being called Yvonne, have you? If I had been called Judy, I d have to change my name when I file:///C|/Documents%20and%20 Settings/Administrator/Desktop/Womens% (3 of 145) [8/8/2008 3:20:36 PM]Womenstopped wearing bangs. Have you ever met a seventy year old woman named Judy? It sounds like she should be chewing gum and skipping m not making this up.

10 Right before middle age sets in, Cindys become Harriet, or Beatrice, they have that option. All Wendy s die at puberty. Regrettable, but necessary. I sort of like being called Scotty, besides it s better than my middle name- Doug. Look, I gotta run. But before I go, I just want to say that I hope all the guys who are sitting here tonight with a girl named Heidi, wake up tomorrow morning with a to topALL THE WAY HOME by Tad Mosel MARY Why don't they all leave? You too, Hannah. For I am not going to the funeral. You were right, Hannah. God is coming harder to me now. And Jay, too! I can't seem to find either one of them. Whatever made Jay do it, ever! The night we moved into this house, where did he go! And when he first went to work in Papa's office--! (stopping, remembering more softly) Not when Rufus was born, though.