Body Language - nbu.bg

1 BodyLanguageFORDUMmIES 01_512913 9/14/07 9:25 PM Page i01_512913 9/14/07 9:25 PM Page iiby Elizabeth KuhnkeBodyLanguageFORDUMmIES 01_512913 9/14/07 9:25 PM Page iiiBody Language For Dummies Published byJohn Wiley & Sons, LtdThe AtriumSouthern GateChichesterWest SussexPO19 8 SQEnglandE-mail (for orders and customer service enquires): our Home Page on 2007 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd, Chichester, West Sussex, EnglandPublished by John Wiley & Sons, Ltd, Chichester, West SussexAll Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or trans-mitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning or other-wise, except under the terms of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms of alicence issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd, 90 Tottenham Court Road, London, W1T 4LP, UK,without the permission in writing of the Publisher.

2 Requests to the Publisher for permission should beaddressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Ltd, The Atrium, Southern Gate, Chichester,West Sussex, PO19 8SQ, England, or emailed to or faxed to (44) 1243 : Wiley, the Wiley Publishing logo, For Dummies, the Dummies Man logo, A Reference for theRest of Us!, The Dummies Way, Dummies Daily, The Fun and Easy Way, and related tradedress are trademarks or registered trademarks of John Wiley & Sons, Inc. and/or its affiliates in the UnitedStates and other countries, and may not be used without written permission. All other trademarks are theproperty of their respective owners. Wiley Publishing, Inc., is not associated with any product or vendormentioned in this OF LIABILITY/DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTY: THE PUBLISHER, THE AUTHOR, AND ANYONE ELSEINVOLVED IN PREPARING THIS WORK MAKE NO REPRESENTATIONS OR WARRANTIES WITH RESPECTTO THE ACCURACY OR COMPLETENESS OF THE CONTENTS OF THIS WORK AND SPECIFICALLY DIS-CLAIM ALL WARRANTIES, INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION WARRANTIES OF FITNESS FOR A PAR-TICULAR PURPOSE.

3 NO WARRANTY MAY BE CREATED OR EXTENDED BY SALES OR PROMOTIONALMATERIALS. THE ADVICE AND STRATEGIES CONTAINED HEREIN MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR EVERYSITUATION. THIS WORK IS SOLD WITH THE UNDERSTANDING THAT THE PUBLISHER IS NOTENGAGED IN RENDERING LEGAL, ACCOUNTING, OR OTHER PROFESSIONAL SERVICES. IF PROFES-SIONAL ASSISTANCE IS REQUIRED, THE SERVICES OF A COMPETENT PROFESSIONAL PERSONSHOULD BE SOUGHT. NEITHER THE PUBLISHER NOR THE AUTHOR SHALL BE LIABLE FOR DAMAGESARISING HEREFROM. THE FACT THAT AN ORGANIZATION OR WEBSITE IS REFERRED TO IN THISWORK AS A CITATION AND/OR A POTENTIAL SOURCE OF FURTHER INFORMATION DOES NOT MEANTHAT THE AUTHOR OR THE PUBLISHER ENDORSES THE INFORMATION THE ORGANIZATION ORWEBSITE MAY PROVIDE OR RECOMMENDATIONS IT MAY MAKE. FURTHER, READERS SHOULD BEAWARE THAT INTERNET WEBSITES LISTED IN THIS WORK MAY HAVE CHANGED OR DISAPPEAREDBETWEEN WHEN THIS WORK WAS WRITTEN AND WHEN IT IS also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats.

4 Some content that appears in print maynot be available in electronic Library Cataloguing in Publication Data: A catalogue record for this book is available from theBritish : 978-0-470-51291-3 Printed and bound in Great Britain by Bell and Bain Ltd, Glasgow10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 101_512913 9/14/07 9:25 PM Page ivAbout the AuthorElizabeth Kuhnkeholds a Bachelor s degree in Speech and Communicationsfrom Northwestern University, and a Masters degree in Theatre Arts. For over20 years, Elizabeth has worked with individuals and groups to bolster theirpersonal impact and communication skills. Before moving to Britain, Elizabeth acted throughout the United States on thestage, radio, and television. In addition to designing and delivering universityprogrammes in voice and movement, she also taught acting skills to studentsand professionals. In the United Kingdom, Elizabeth applies her theatrical expertise and psycho-logical insight with a rock-solid business approach.

5 She works at top levelwith FTSE 100 companies and leading professional firms to provide both one-to-one and group coaching in key areas relating to interpersonal commu-nication and image projection. Coming from diverse backgrounds includingaccountancy, law, and telecommunications, Elizabeth s clients consistentlyachieve their goals and have fun getting there. Her keys to communicationare based on the simple principle of demonstrating respect, establishing rapport, and achieving highly entertaining speaker, Elizabeth is a popular choice on the conferencecircuit, and is often quoted in the media addressing issues concerning confi-dence, voice, body Language , and communication skills all the ingredientsthat create a positive impact. For further information about Elizabeth, visit her Web site at 9/14/07 9:25 PM Page v01_512913 9/14/07 9:25 PM Page viDedicationTo Mom for fortitude, finances, and Dad for presence, perseverance, and all those love you s AcknowledgementsWithout friends, family, clients, and colleagues encouraging, nurturing, andspurring me along, this book would not now be in your hands.

6 Allow me, ifyou will, to acknowledge but a small sampling of the support Author s Angels: Kate Burton, my buddy and fellow For Dummiesauthorwho believed I was the person for the job; Alison Yates who stuck with mewhen lesser mortals would have tossed in the towel; and Rachael Chilvers,whose marvellous cheerios brightened many a dark and dreary Todd. An extraordinary coach and valued Beery and Maria Jicheva who opened my eyes to Ginger and Jean Roberts for photos and of my clients. You re stars. Keep breathing. Toby Blundell who keeps me on track and makes me laugh. Karl, Max, and Kristina. My joys. Henry, ever faithful, always for the rest of the gang, you ll find yourselves within these pages. I amblessed to know you 9/14/07 9:25 PM Page viiPublisher s AcknowledgementsWe re proud of this book; please send us your comments through our Dummies online registrationform located at of the people who helped bring this book to market include the following:Acquisitions, Editorial, and MediaDevelopmentProject Editor: Rachael ChilversDevelopment Editor:Tracy BarrContent Editor:Steve EdwardsCommissioning Editor:Alison YatesCopy Editor: Anne O RorkeProofreader:Andy FinchTechnical Editor: Dr Peter BullExecutive Editor: Jason DunneExecutive Project Editor: Daniel MerseyCover Photo: GettyImages/Tony AndersonPhotography:Ginger Photography : Rich Help:Jennifer BinghamComposition ServicesProject Coordinators: Erin Smith, Jennifer TheriotLayout and Graphics: Barbara Moore, Brent Savage, Rashell Smith, Alicia B.

7 South, Christine WilliamsProofreaders: John Greenough, Melanie HoffmanIndexer:Claudia BourbeauPublishing and Editorial for Consumer DummiesDiane Graves Steele, Vice President and Publisher, Consumer DummiesJoyce Pepple, Acquisitions Director, Consumer DummiesKristin A. Cocks, Product Development Director, Consumer DummiesMichael Spring, Vice President and Publisher, TravelKelly Regan,Editorial Director, TravelPublishing for Technology DummiesAndy Cummings,Vice President and Publisher, Dummies Technology/General UserComposition ServicesGerry Fahey,Vice President of Production ServicesDebbie Stailey,Director of Composition Services01_512913 9/14/07 9:25 PM Page viiiContents at a GlanceIntroduction ..1 Part I: In the Beginning Was the Gesture ..7 Chapter 1: Defining body Language ..9 Chapter 2: Looking Closer at Non-verbal Gestures ..33 Part II: Starting at the Top ..43 Chapter 3: Heading to the Heart of the Matter.

8 45 Chapter 4: Facial 5: The Eyes Have It ..75 Chapter 6: Lip Reading ..91 Part III: The Trunk: Limbs and Roots ..105 Chapter 7: Take It From the 8: Arming Yourself ..125 Chapter 9: It s in the Palm of Your Hand ..139 Chapter 10: Standing Your Ground ..165 Chapter 11: Playing with Props ..179 Part IV: Putting the body into Social and Business Context ..193 Chapter 12: Territorial Rights and Regulations ..195 Chapter 13: Dating and Mating ..213 Chapter 14: Interviewing, Influencing, and Playing 15: Crossing the Cultural Divide ..245 Chapter 16: Reading the Signs ..257 Part V: The Part of Tens ..263 Chapter 17: Ten Ways to Spot Deception ..265 Chapter 18: Ten Ways to Reveal Your 19: Ten Ways to Find Out About Someone Without Asking ..277 Chapter 20: Ten Ways to Improve Your Silent ..29102_512913 9/14/07 9:25 PM Page ix02_512913 9/14/07 9:25 PM Page xTable of ContentsIntroduction.

9 1 About This Used in This Book ..2 Foolish Assumptions ..2 How This Book Is I: In the Beginning Was the Gesture ..3 Part II: Starting at the Top ..3 Part III: The Trunk: Limbs and Roots ..3 Part IV: Putting the body into Social and Business Context ..3 Part V: The Part of Used in This Book ..4 Where to Go from I: In the Beginning Was the Gesture ..7 Chapter 1: Defining body Language ..9 Discovering How body Language Conveys Messages ..9 Projecting an image in the first 30 seconds ..10 Transmitting messages behaviour for the spoken word ..12 Gesturing to illustrate what you re saying ..13 Physically supporting the spoken thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs ..15 Key Types of Gestures ..17 Unintentional gestures: Gestures that define who you are ..19 Fake gestures: Pulling the wool ..21 Micro gestures: A little gesture means a gestures ..24 Getting the Most Out of body Language ..26 Becoming spatially movements.

10 27 Creating rapport through reflecting who you want to be ..28 Reading the signs and responding appropriately ..30 Appreciating Cultural 9/14/07 9:25 PM Page xiChapter 2: Looking Closer at Non-verbal Gestures ..33 The History of body Language ..33 Aping our first, Language second ..34 The Nuts and Bolts of body Language ..35 Kinesics: The categories of gesture ..36 Inborn gestures ..39A Final Word on Non-verbal II: Starting at the 3: Heading to the Heart of the Matter ..45 Demonstrating Power and Authority ..45 Signalling superiority ..46 Demonstrating aggression ..47 Showing rejection ..49 Catapulting for your head in defiance ..50 Beckoning with your head ..50 Touching someone on the head ..50 Showing Agreement and Encouragement: The Nod ..51 Encouraging the speaker to continue ..51 Showing understanding ..52 Micro Attention and Interest ..53 Tilting and canting ..53 The head t te t te.