Seven Languages for Transformation - …

1 1 Seven Languages for Transformationfrom How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Workby Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow LaheyInternal Languages1. from the language of Complaint to the language of Commitment2. from the language of Blame to the language of Personal Responsibility3. from the language of New Year s Resolutions to the language of Competing Commitments4. from the language of the Big Assumptions that Hold Us to the language of Assumptions We HoldSocial Languages5. from the language of Prizes and Praising to the language of Ongoing Regard6. from the language of Rules and Policies to the language of Public Agreement7. from the language of Constructive Criticism to the language of Deconstructive CriticismFrom the language of Complaintto the language of CommitmentLanguage of ComplaintLanguage of CommitmentEasily and reflexively produced, widespreadRelatively rare unless explicitly intendedExplicitly expresses what we can t standExplicitly expresses what we stand forLeaves the speaker feeling like a whiny or cynicalpersonLeaves the speaker feeling like a person filled withconviction and hopeGenerates frustration and impotenceGenerates vitalizing energySees complaint as a signal of what s wrongSees complaint as a signal of someone cares aboutNontransformational, rarely goes anywhere beyondletting off steam and winning allies to negativecharacterizationsTransformationa l.

2 Anchors principle-oriented,purpose-directed workFrom the language of Blameto the language of Personal ResponsibilityLanguage of BlameLanguage of Personal ResponsibilityEasily and reflexively produced and widespread;comfortable to expressRelatively rare, in an ongoing way, unlessexplicitly intended; uncomfortable to expressHolds the other person responsible for gapsbetween committed intentions and realityExpresses specific behaviors we personally engagein and fail to engage in that contribute to gapsFrequently generates frustration, alienation, andimpotence in speakerDraws on the momentum of our commitmentsFrequently generates defensiveness in othersFrequently generates productive conversation aboutbother parties contributions to gapNontransformational; rarely goes anywhere;deflects our attention to places where we have littleor no direct influenceTransformational.

3 Directs our attention to placeswhere we have maximum influenceAt best, raises questions only for othersRaises questions for oneself2 From the language of New Year s Resolutionsto the language of Competing CommitmentsLanguage of New Year s ResolutionsLanguage of Competing CommitmentsExpresses sincere and genuine intentionsExpresses genuinely held countervailingcommitmentsCreates wishes and hopes for the futureCreates an inner contradiction or map of animmune systemBut contains little powerContains enormous (locked up) powerIntent is to eliminate or reduce the hindering,problematic behaviorIntent is to identify the source of that behaviorThe problematic behavior is frequently regarded asa sign of weakness, or shameful ineffectivenessIdentifies a commitment to self-protection onbehalf of which the problematic behavior iseffective, consistent, faithful, even brilliantAssumes that eliminating the problematic behaviorwill lead to the accomplishment of commitments orgoalsRecognizes that merely trying to alter problematicbehavior is unlikely to accomplish goalsFrequently attributes less effective change to otherpeople, unanticipated obstacles, or insufficient self-controlRecognizes the complex, contradictory nature ofone s own intentionNontransformational; rarely leads to significantchange despite sincere intentionsTransformational.

4 Paradoxically increases thepossibility of significant change by making clearthe immune system that makes change so difficultFrom the language of the Big Assumptions that Hold Usto the language of Assumptions We HoldLanguage of the Big Assumptions that Hold Us language of Assumptions We HoldAutomatically produced, without intention orawareness (the meanings to which we are subject)Produced only with difficulty, creating space ordistance between self and one s meanings (themeanings we can relate to as an object)Assumption inhabited as truthsAssumptions taken as assumptionsCreates a sense of certainty, that one s perspectiveis realityCreates valuable doubt, the opportunity toquestions, explore, test, reconfirm or revise one sassumptionAnchors and sustains our immune system [thatprevents change]Creates a pivotal lever for disturbing our immunityto changeNames the terms by which we would understandour universe to be catastrophically disturbed orviolated (our Temple of Doom )Makes the catastrophic consequences a propositionavailable for testingNontransformational; maintains the world as wehave been constructing itTransformational.

5 Changes the world as weunderstand it to be, and our sense of ourpossibilities within it3 From the language of Prizes and Praisingto the language of Ongoing RegardLanguage of Prizes and PraisingLanguage of Ongoing RegardCreates winners and losers; draws energy our of thesystemDistributes precious information that one s actionshave significance; infuses energy into the systemFrequently communicated indirectly; said aboutperson and not directly to him or herCommunicates appreciation or admiration directlyto the personUsually, global statements giving little if anyinformation about what the speaker is valuingCommunicates specific information to the personabout the speaker s personal experience ofappreciation or admirationOften characterizes the other personNonattributive; characterizes the speaker sexperience, and not the person being appreciatedFrequently formulaic; glibSincere and authentic.

6 More halting, freshly madeNontransformationalTransformational potential for both the speaker andthe person being regardedFrom the language of Rules and Policiesto the language of Public AgreementLanguage of Rules and PoliciesLanguage of Public AgreementCustomaryExceedingly rare, without leaderly intentionIntended to create order from the top down or theoutside inIntended to create organizational integrity(institutional fairness, attentiveness, andcompetence) from withinInstitutionalized in written manuals or throughimplicit norms, with little or no discussion of themeaning of the rules and policies, and noexperience of owning them or assenting to themShared understanding of their meaning and anexperience of co-owning them and assenting tothemFrequently discussed only after there is a violation Discussed and created before violation to establisha shared understanding and reference point in orderto enhance personal and organizational learningwhen there is a violationViolations are ignored or treated privately and as amatter of adjudication for problem eliminationViolations are treatable publicly as a resource forpersonal and organizational learning, by creatingobservable contradictionsMultiple interpretations frequently exist.

7 Andpeople tend to be unaware of thisCommon understanding of the agreementsthemselves and their purposeCreates a social vehicle for leaders or authorities tocorrect boundary transgressionsCreates a social vehicle for peers to correctboundary transgressions Corrected individuals experience theorganization s ability to control behavior--anability they have no part in creating Corrected individuals experience theorganization s integrity, which they themselveshave a hand in creatingNontransformational; shapes behavior, not newmeaningsTransformational for both the individual and theorganization4 From the language of Constructive Criticismto the language of Deconstructive CriticismTwo Approaches to Conflict-Laden CommunicationAttributeConstructive Communicationfor Informative BehavioralChangeDeconstructive Communicationfor Transformative LearningThe effective Gets the person to changeCreates a context for learningPrimary theater of activityExternal: the actions or inactionsof the other personInternal: the meanings andassumptions of both partiesWho is at risk of learning?

8 Only the other person--and eventhen, only learning about whatthe communicator thinks orwants for the otherBoth partiesHow the other is seenAs a misbehaver, doer of actions As a whole meaning maker orsystem whose actions or choicesexpress some general belief,conviction, principle, theoryWho has the truth of thesituation?Communicator knows the truth Neither necessarily; perhapseither, both, or neitherWho doesn t get it?Other: You are lost, missingsomething, overlooking,forgetting, never knew somethingwhich I am trying to find thekindest, most effective way offilling you in on ; teaching stance vs. inquirer s stanceCommunicator: I see what youare doing or not doing and, givenmy take, I don t get it ; genuinereport of puzzlement ( ) and inquiry into howthis can make senseThe essence of conflict iscontradiction, and management problem in needof resolutionA rich resource for individualand organizational learning I m right or You re wrong(but you ll get defensive, ):how do I tell you the bad news?

9 How do I get you to change?Respect for self ( I have a takeon this and it does lead me tothink you are wrong here, ) Teaching youRespect for other ( You are alsoa whole person with your owntake )Basic stances I m setting you straight Active uncertainty; not paralysisand indecision, but holding ofown view tentatively-- Givenhow I see things I m puzzled but seeking clarity, via honestinquiry (we both may change ourminds): Could you set mestraight as to how I ve got 5 Deconstructive PropositionsThere is probable merit to my perspective may not be is some coherence, if not merit, to the other person s may be more than one legitimate other person s view of my viewpoint is important information to my assessing whether I am right oridentifying what merit there is to my conflict may be the result of the separate commitments each of us holds, including commitments weare not always aware we of us have something to learn from the need to have two-way conversation to learn from each contradictions can be a source of our learning, then we can come to engage not only internalcontradictions as a source of learning but interpersonal contradiction ( , conflict )

10 As goal of our conversation is for each of us to learn more about ourselves and the other as meaningmakers.