Wired for Intimacy - Westminster Bookstore

1 Wired for Intimacy Struthers Wired for Intimacy . How pornography hijacks the male brain. By William M. Struthers. InterVarsity Press Box 1400, Downers Grove, IL 60515-1426 World Wide Web: E-mail: 2009 by William M. StruthersAll rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from InterVarsity Press is the book-publishing division of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship/USA , a movement of students and faculty active on campus at hundreds of universities, colleges and schools of nursing in the United States of America, and a member movement of the International Fellowship of Evangelical Students.

2 For information about local and regional activities, write Public Relations Dept., InterVarsity Christian Fellowship/USA, 6400 Schroeder Rd., Box 7895, Madison, WI 53707-7895, or visit the IVCF website at < >. All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. All rights all stories in this book are true, some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of those on p. 91 is from David G. Myers, Psychology, ninth edition (figure ).

3 New York: Worth Publishers. 2010 by Worth Publishers. Used by : Cindy Kiple Images: tangled ethernet cables: Influx Productions/Getty Images profile of man s head: PhotoAlto/Alix Minde/Getty ImagesISBN 978- 0-8308-7841-3 (digital) ISBN 978-0-8308-3700- (print7 ContentsAcknowledgments .. 9 Introduction.. 11 Part 1: How PornograPHy works1. Saturated with Porn .. 192. The Corruption of Intimacy .. 413. The Consequences of Porn .. 634. Your Brain on Porn .. 83 Part 2: HealtHy Masculinity and sexuality5. Made Male in God s Image .. 1156. Masculinity.)

4 1357. The Male Need for Intimacy .. 1558. Rewiring and Sanctification .. 177 Appendix A: Resources for Recovery from Online Pornography and Sex Addiction .. 191 Appendix B: Books on Pornography and Sex Addiction Recovery .. 193 Index .. 195 Wired for 711/2/09 3:14:56 PMAcknowledgmentsTh e r e a r e m a n y i n d i v i d u a l s whom I would like to thank for their help and encouragement in the writing of this book. First my wife, Donna, who during a rush hour trip to her parents with the kids asleep in the van challenged me to offer a course on men and addic-tions at Wheaton College.

5 Second, those at InterVarsity Press and In-terVarsity Christian Fellowship who have helped me along the way: my editor, Al Hsu, who provided me with keen insight and feedback, and Roger Anderson, who arranged for the pornography workshop and speaking opportunities to share what men needed to hear. And finally my friends, students and colleagues who took time to help me proof chapters and let me bounce ideas off of them. You know who you are, and I am humbled by your for 911/2/09 3:14:56 PMIntroductionWh aT i s i T a b o uT p o r n o g r a p h y that makes it so appealing to so many men?

6 Why does a naked female body or a movie of a woman having sex seem to hijack a man s brain, hypnotizing him and render-ing him incapable of making good decisions? Why might a man who is married to a lovely wife risk that relationship for a ten-second video clip of a couple having sex? What is it about being male that makes it so difficult for men to look away?While pornography ravages and destroys the lives of both men and women, this book and the research within focuses almost exclusively on pornography s impact on men. It is true that women are increas-ingly becoming consumers of pornography, but there is little doubt that it is primarily men who are hooked on it.

7 And the reasons that women view pornography are very different than the reasons men do. Men seem to be Wired in such a way that pornography hijacks the proper functioning of their brains and has a long-lasting effect on their thoughts and a biopsychologist and a person of faith, I am in a unique posi-tion to engage many of the questions posed above. It is hard to be a Christian in the United States and not be sensitive to the pervasive influence of pornography and the warped views of sexuality that sat-urate our culture.

8 Pornography and the hypersexuality found in the media are almost impossible to I have looked more carefully at some of my Christian beliefs about sexuality and felt convicted to respond to the pornification of Wired for 1111/2/09 3:14:56 PM12 Wi r e d f o r in t i m a c your culture, I have had an unexpected opportunity to integrate my faith with my academic discipline. As I have studied how the brain develops, how hormones and culture affect it and how addictions and compulsions develop, it has become increasingly apparent to me why many men struggle so much.

9 In this book I share this mate-rial, and I hope it can be a part of the healing process that so many long many adolescent boys growing up in the 1980s, I had occa-sional opportunities to view lingerie catalogs in the mail and softcore pornography magazines stashed away by friends and relatives. These were my first exposures to the naked female form, eliciting what I now know to be sexual interest. As I grew older, frontal nudity and erotic sexual scenes in movies became readily viewable on cable tele-vision channels such as HBO and Playboy.

10 Home videotapes made access to all types of pornography easier than ever before. While I can t recall feeling a compelling attraction toward por-nography, I won t deny that I found it hypnotizing when I stumbled upon it. But I was struck by the hold that it had over several of my teenage friends and their desire to expose me to it. Perhaps I was just late in my sexual awakening, but as I entered my twenties, my expo-sure to porn shifted into high gear. Legally an adult and living with other men who were enjoying the freedoms of college life, I was ex-posed to additional forms of pornography.